They are keeping me in the hospital

 Update, they are keeping me, I have another infection (diverticulitis), another mass that wasn’t picked up during my colonoscopy in August in my sigmoid. They have to move my cancer removal (right side) operation further out to let me heal unless there is an emergency. I have had two different cat scans, a leg ultrasound, blood, and urine taken. Had new specialists, teams of specialists, surgical teams, and most of my Drs checking in on me, either by phone or actually visiting, even those who don’t practice here. I feel I am in good hands and blessed. The road isn’t always easy but glad to be taking this journey with Jesus by my side.

Sent to the ER

     I wasn't feeling well when I saw the Gastroenterologist last Tuesday, they were hoping it was just the new foods introduced causing my colon to work harder but it has gotten progressively worse even with going back to a low residue diet, so they want me to go to the ER at Albany Medical Center just in case. My daughter is on her way to take me.

    While I am waiting for my daughter to pick me up to go to the Er. I thought I would update the plan. Like I said I saw my Gastroentrolgist last Tuesday and that visit went ok, it was just talking about our next steps with them, our next appointment, what to do if I get sick, and setting up an appointment for Dennis to be seen next time we go in. Just so you know the age is 45 now not 50 to get a colonoscopy.         

Wednesday the surgeon's office called to set up testing to see just where the cancer is and if it has spread. Thursday my surgeon called to let us know that the second pathologist confirmed that it is Cancer and wanted to set up my operation date for early October.

    His plan is to use the robot to do my operation if applicable, which is also depending on if the Gynocologist wants my ovaries removed, or if I have a bleed or any other complications, I might lose my colon and end up with a bag, then he would have to do a larger incision. I also have to go for an ultrasound of my legs to check for any blood clots before the surgery as well as having a covid test.

    As of right now I also have to go into the hospital 2 days prior to the operation so that they can start my IV for my bleeding disorder. They are going on at least a nine-day stay with no complications. Of course, right now with me not feeling well I might just be in there until I heal after the big operation so I, Dennis, or my daughter Nesie will be updating everyone as much as they can when I am unable to. I am taking my phone, tablet, and charging cords so I can update as much as I can. Keep the prayers coming. Hugs.

Health Update

 Between homeschooling, family day, Narnia Night, and having my granddaughter over for the weekend, we have been super busy. Also, we were hit with a lot of information and are still sorting things out. First of all, when they find cancer they like to come up with a plan within the first 30 days. Because of my other health issues, it will take a bit more time to sort out.

I have to get my Gynecologist to contact my Surgeon to see what his plan for the growth on my ovaries will be. When and if they cut me they want it to be once. My biopsies have been sent to a second pathologist for more testing. Also, I have to have more tests to make sure my cancer has not spread. They don't want to do anything with my diverticulitis right now unless it is an emergency and I was told I could eat anything as the seeds, nuts, etc are only a myth (so many Dr.'s and patients disagree with this).

We talked about weight loss surgery but we have kept food diaries in the past and I eat less than most people so my weight gain doesn't match my intake, so maybe more movement is needed which has gotten seriously less over the last 13 years due to pain from my fibromyalgia, back, and of course more weight gain from not moving as much. There just isn't an easy answer to all of this. To be quite honest it seems like we don't have all of the information we need yet. So until the Dr.'s talk, the results from the pathology come back, and I get more testing we are at a standstill.

I am sorry I don't have any better news, my health issues just make it extremely hard for the Dr.'s to come up with a plan to treat or medicate me. I hope to have more of an update in the coming weeks. I am scared, this isn't easy on me or my family. We are just praying and taking one day at a time, enjoying the time we have together, and finding joy in each day, until we can take the next step. Thank you to everyone who keeps asking how we are doing and for updates. Keep the prayers coming. Hugs.

Lots of phone calls

     Today I was able to talk to my gynecologist, hematologist, and my Surgeon. I am set up for the ultrasound on my ovaries where they found a growth last year in July for early September and my appointment for mid-September with my gynecologist.

    They are getting the scans from my Gastroenterologist. My Hematologist is reviewing the paperwork and has set me up with the best Oncologist they have, they will be calling tomorrow with my appointments. My Surgeon had more information but still not all of it, she wants it all from day one but has come up with a plan where I am going to see the Surgeons from Albany Med as they have the resources I will need after the operation no matter what they run into.

    She said I will have 24/7 nurses and doctors on hand until after I am out of the woods. I am just a complicated case they need to pay close attention to. I now know where my cancer is but not how far along I am other than the cancer is still in the wall of my colon so we need to get it out soon. The Cancer is on my right side below my gall bladder. They may have to take my whole large intestine but I will update you as we know more. Thank you to everyone who has been calling, texting, and most importantly praying.

Saw the Surgeon on Friday

     I have been meaning to update everyone it's just been hard. Thursday Night my Dr. called with the biopsy results. I have Cancer in my Colon and they aren't a 100% they got it all. Friday I had my appointment with my Surgeon and that was just a mess. She didn't have any of the information she should have had and the Cancer really changes things up.

    Where she thought we could wait has turned into we have to do this so she needed the updated Scans etc to be able to let me know what their office could do if anything. More or less she said operating on me is very dangerous and it could shorten my lifespan considerably if I were to even make it through. Not what I wanted to hear but will listen to what she has to say on Monday.

Of course, I am going to get a second opinion because I just can't go into an operation with someone who is already doubting what they are capable of. On a good note, I was able to leave a message with my Hematologists office as she is also an Oncologist. They left a message that they will call on Monday as well. Please keep my children, my husband, and myself in your prayers.

5:16 8-19-2021

The call wasn't really that long and I am not quite sure when it started but once I heard it my eyes went right to the clock on my phone like I could freeze time in place. See I have been sick lately although, I guess you can say I have been sick all of my life with one thing or another.

I had a double procedure on 8/17/2021  that was more than what they had expected to find. They removed pieces and resected me, then sent the pieces off to be tested. 

I thought I wouldn't hear anything till I saw the Surgeon. on Friday but Thursday night at around five in the evening the call came in. It was the Dr. I know a Dr. doesn't call unless it is something, but not that late, good news can always wait. I have had these calls before up to 10:30 pm. 

This time it would be the word I thought I would never hear. The C word, The Big C,  CANCER, they found cancer and they aren't sure they got it all because they had to cut it out of me in little pieces. 

The first thing we did was call our children and branch out from there. Today after two more calls I will be posting on my social media. There are just too many people to contact with the news. Social Media is quicker besides telling everyone the same thing over and over just tires me out more than I already am. 

Of course, almost everyone so far is asking how I am taking it, and how is my husband, and the kids. Well, I don't know we are still processing it. My husband went to bed early, I can't sleep, and the kids are being supportive. 

People ask what the next steps are. Well, the Surgeon tomorrow and then a call to oncology for an appointment to see just what those next steps will be. Of course, I have to call my Primary Doctor as well as my Gynecologist. You see they found a growth on my left ovary right before Covid-19 changed up everything, that they had been watching. Since they will be going in for the Cancer they might do that too.

I suppose I am writing here for myself more than for my readers but hey who knows, something I might say might save someone's life. 

Some people asked did I know? or did I think something was up. When has something not been up with my health? The answer is yes. Even when I am not having Diverticulitis pain I feel something in my stomach which is actually my intestines. It feels like something is eating me alive, gnawing at my insides. It took a while for it happening to say anything to my husband, he even ordered a pregnancy test hoping I was just pregnant. When it came back negative that is when he started to really worry.

Then in June, I had blood tests. I saw the results. It showed my bone marrow had kicked in and my red and white cell counts were all in the wrong places. I am not dumb. I was just hoping it was the infections I kept getting over and over and that the numbers would get better. So did I have an idea I sure did.

My appointments were already set so things couldn't go any quicker. I was supposed to have my procedure back in 2018, but between Dr.'s retiring, cases being shifted, busy schedules with kids, and then Covid-19 we kept putting things off, there is always tomorrow (Isn't that what we tell ourselves?). Last year things began to get worse with infection after infection which is what put my procedures further out finally after being infection free for 8 weeks I had my procedures. So here I am. 

How I am feeling and a few funnies

     My throat is feeling better today, but just in case I am only eating a soft food diet for a few days to give those metal tabs in my esophagus and colon a bit more time to heal before hitting it with the hard food.

    I thought someone might want to hear about the funny things I remember saying while they were doing my surgery. " You Guys are Awesome" "Excuse Me" (I must have burped or let some gas out) "Look at all of the pretty shapes" (I must have woken up a bit and saw the screens) " That is trippy" (All I remember is swirling colors like tye dye) "Weee" (I think this is when they spun me around to do my other procedure)

Home resting

 I am home in a bit of discomfort but resting. God moved in the situation. Thankfully the Dr. who was there was able to finish if he hadn’t been there they wouldn’t have been able to. He is the one called when something like what was in me is found. They didn’t see it on the scans. I have special surgical clips working with my bleeding medication to keep me from bleeding while I heal.

This is not over yet they sent my biopsies and removals to pathology stat to have them tested. I have damage in both my esophagus and colon as well as what they call a torturous sigmoid. The biggest removal was precancerous 100% but it could also be cancerous which is why they have the stat testing on it.

While in there the Dr. had to cut and resection different parts of me together. I see the other surgeon on Friday, my gastroenterologist in two weeks, and have to go through this all again in 3 months depending on the pathology report. Keep me and my family in your prayers, please.

All ready for my procedures

 I wanted to be more clear about my operation/procedures tomorrow. I am having a colonoscopy and endoscopy. They want to rule out cancer, as well as check things to make sure they have a clear picture to know just how much of my colon will need to be removed. I see a Surgeon on Friday to talk about my Sigmoid removal to hopefully get rid of the diverticulitis. This is something they found back when they did my emergency appendectomy back in 2018, it has just taken time, compounded diagnosis, and then finally infection on top of infection to get the doctors all on the same page. It has just become dangerous to my life for this to continue so it is time to take care of things. Please keep me in your thoughts as you go about your day tomorrow.

My first Telehealth call

 Just had my telehealth call with my Hematologist and I will be going for more tests next week and a possible iron infusion based on those test results. She gave me a rundown of what I will be given for my operations and that there will be an extra med on board to help me, as well as making sure they have enough of my blood on hand. In our family, my 4th biological child is the only one who can give me blood as she hasn't tested positive for any of my blood diseases and has the same blood type as me, so we always have her on call when I need to go to the hospital just in case. We have other children with the same blood type as me but can't give blood or donate organs because of our blood disorders. Those who don't have my blood disorders all give blood as often as they can, I just can't have their blood. Getting closer to having my procedures done so we can find out what needs to come out so I don't have all of these infections from diverticulitis.

Going Back a bit

I went back before my diagnosis and found an update on my Facebook page for June 22,2021. I am sure there are more but I will go from this date. This was before my cancer diagnosis when we thought it was just plain diverticulitis we were dealing with even though my blood results were saying a bit more. 

 "An update on my health for those interested. I had been having multiple issues since my Emergency Appendectomy/Diverticulitis infection on April 1st, 2018. About a year later they found a growth on my ovaries which has been being monitored, but they would like to remove. Infections in my bowel started slowly and now I am getting them one on top of the other. I just got done with my antibiotics on June 13th, 2021 had my cat scan on June 17th, 2021 there was already an infection again so I am going to be starting Antibiotics again today. Now my operations, endoscopy, colonoscopy, colon removal, and whatever else they decide to take while in there have been moved back because they want me to be infection free for at least 8 weeks. Please pray for these Antibiotics to work and that my body will stay infection free so they can do these operations. I am trying to stay optimistic about everything but I am just plain tired and it is taking its toll on the family as well."

My husband spoiled me

 Way before Christmas even before our anniversary he ordered me a new recliner so that I could sit in the living room with comfort. It took about 8 weeks to get here but came just days before Thanksgiving. He also ordered me new L.L. Bean slippers. My last pair lasted over 20 years and my slippers went missing during one of our moves so he asked which ones I wanted and ordered them for me. Christmas time was coming so I didn't really expect anything much if anything for Christmas. 

My computer has been chugging along like a old decrepit dinosaur hardly ever merging with our internet even with update, rolling it back, emptying cache, getting rid of cookies etc. We tried everything except for resetting to factory settings. I just have so much that we would have to save and his computer just does not have the room to hold my information and his while he could do this. 

I kept just using my computer and having things take twice as long, sites crashing, and my screen blinking. Zoom meeting were no longer working well, and my computer had to be restarted many times to get things accomplished, many times losing what I was working on and having to start all over again from scratch. I ended up scrapping most with frustration. 

Christmas morning came and I sat down and was about to tell the girls to take my computer into the bedroom when I noticed my black computer had turned silver. He had ordered a computer for me after asking me what I needed and he said it had came much earlier then expected so he had time to covertly copy my old computer files and transfer them to my new one. He had been saving money up and spent it on me. 

I wondered how he got it past me and he said it actually came one day when I was taking a nap so he didn't have to do anything too much out of the way. With the prices of computers going sky rocket he was waiting for a sale and ended up buying one right from HP themselves and was able to find exactly what I needed at a much lower price then others were asking for computers with less capabilities. 

I feel both loved and blessed for the gifts he bought me. Now I can breeze through sites, responding and posting things with little effort. Life is so much easier and to think I have only had my computer in my hands for a little over 24 hours. Now I can post more often and get back to reviewing products without fighting to get things posted. 

Do you have a hateful child?

 Do you have a child that is very different from the rest of your children? You know the one who you try to make happy and all they do it find something to complain about. Well I have one. We have 6 children and not one of the other children complained about almost everything they were given. From food, clothes, shelter, gifts, friends, family members, siblings, to us being her parents. 

She has never made friends easily or kept them very long, she finds fault in everything while as an adult you can see it is her that is at fault. It really is sad. It is not that we don't love her because we do. We are worried about how she will do when she is out on her own in the world. 

Take for instance this Christmas. She looked at her pile and then at her sister's. There are just two of them left in the home now. She said it seems like everytime I was bad you bought my sister another present. Funny thing is, is that I was thinking the very same thing the night before. Maybe subconsciously I did. 

We live with a daughter who finds fault almost everywhere, she doesn't like how people talk to her, while she thinks swearing is just fine and dandy. She doesn't follow directions causing things to go wrong often, and while we remind her following directions is important for future job employment, she reminds us that she will do what she likes and if her boss doesn't like it they can go *#@! themselves. By the way words like this are generally in every sentence she makes. 

I told you she is quite the character. She tells me almost daily that I should just die, or hopes I will die soon. She says this to her father and siblings as well. She is abusive to her siblings verbally and sometimes even physically. She thinks all old people should be killed off, that adults have to work for her respect. All the while she is sure to put people down until they just can't take anymore and move on to a better relationship. 

She is remote learning for her Senior Year and got a referral for responding to a teacher inappropriately. They couldn't really punish her too much because she isn't actually in school, so even though we stressed how much she should not do this she sees nothing wrong with what she did. She is now 18 and I can't wait for her to move out so we don't have to be stressed about what she might do on any given day. 

It is so hard to say this when as a mom you never really want your kids to move out, you want them little forever so you can protect them from everything, but as a parent you are to teach them how to survive when you are no longer around to pick up the pieces or help them get on the right path. It is heartbreaking to see a child or in this case young adult struggle so much. 

We took parenting classes and they worked for the most part with the other kids, but for some reason not with her. Somedays we are scared to be in the same home with her. She is really abusive, but not so much where we need to call the police although there have been a few close calls. 

Now with all of that being said, she can be good. I have seen her in public do the right things, helping an elderly person, being nice to children, and being polite, so I see the qualities we instilled in her. Things did get through to her. I just hope and pray they continue to grow inside of her. She is beautiful on the outside, just something on the inside, is inside out and twisted. 

I don't want to hear about we should have done this or that, we tried everything in our own upbringing and what the State sees as appropriate and nothing works. Now that she is an adult she has to start making those choices on her own. 

Until that day comes and maybe even after , the older children  and younger will continue to have those on the side glances, questions, and conversations on why is she so different. I know she will read this someday and I am OK with that. It doesn't' change the fact that I love her with all of my heart and soul and would give just about anything to keep her safe. As a parent I can only do so much with the rest being  up to God and her to deal with. 

My hopes is that someday she will be in a much better place mentally and can look back at her upbringing to find joy where we could fit it in. I want her to reach for her dreams with determination and confidence. I wish her well on her journey into adulthood. 

As a parent thinking these thoughts are hard much less sharing them with my readers, but I wanted those out there going through what we are going through to know you are not alone. Don't lose faith. Pray continually for your children. I know prayer works, it can just take years to actually see the results. Lovingly support their dreams along the way, while trying to instill in them best qualities you can in the short time you have to raise your child before they venture out into the world on their own. 

Our favorite Popcorn Popper

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I sign up for lots of freebie sites but mainly find out that the things aren't what was pictured or you just never get them at all. For this I honestly forgot where it was free from but know it was from Williams Sonoma where I signed up. I had to set up an account and a registry and add Cuisinart items that I would like to receive up to a certain price and you would get a microwave Cuisinart popcorn popper. I had to fill it out a form with my information and send it in.



I did this a while ago and today I got a package in the mail. I let my daughter open it up as we didn't know what it was and I hear a squeal of excitement from her. The popper had come just in time for after school snack.

We immediately opened it up, read the instructions, and made our first batch. Three batches later we are totally in love. Shhh I liked it so much I actually ordered some for gifts for my Children who have their own homes.

We made a pact that when we really loved something we got in the mail or bought ourselves we would buy that product for our older children as well as tell our readers about a great product that does what it says.

We have had microwave popcorn poppers before that just burned the popcorn and tried the hacks ending in burns or scalds, but this works great.






What I love about this is that I know what is going in and on my popcorn. All you do is make the bowl full size. It folds flat for space saving storage, best thing ever. Then if you want the full 10 cups of popcorn you will add 1/3 cup of popcorn kernels and set your microwave to 4 minutes. That is it. We have a small counter top microwave and thought it would take longer but the 4 minutes was perfect. A tip is to count 1-2-3 and if you don't hear a pop it is done.  From here you have beautiful unflavored fluffy popcorn goodness that is just waiting for your favorite seasonings.




We just made ours with real melted butter and salt, but later my daughter put some butter and some powdered ranch seasoning on hers. I know our movie and game nights just took a giant leap to fun and flavorful popcorn that I can feel good about serving to our friends and family.






If you are interested right now they have a great price but prices and availability are subject to change. Check it out below.

A year in the life of Marksville

I won't paint a pretty picture for you because this year was not full of happy stories in the least. We lost 10 friends and family this year. such a large amount to lose in a years time. Sadly most were from overdoses which just floors me that the epidemic has hit so close to home. A few died of old age or accidents. So many lives lost and I know some did not have a relationship with the Lord which makes it all that much heartbreaking.

For our family even though we feel blessed for what we have, we lost so much over the last year. My faith was really tested. Some of my readers who know a few years after my husband's accident when all of our savings had been depleted  and before his disability kicked in, (which took forever) we ended up separated and homeless for just shy of two years combined. After all of that we just found out in October after paying on our storage unit that it had been sold for 300.00. It had our personal papers, pictures, lifelong objects, etc. We had been paying on it for more then a year we have been in our apartment. They wouldn't let us take anything out till it was paid off so we were making monthly payments and extra for the overdue amount. The numbers seemed to never end. We went without in many areas trying to make these payments as what my husband gets for disability hardly covers the bills. A few times we had car repairs or upkeep that kept us from paying so that didn't help either. Then our van broke down and there it sits in our yard useless till we can get it fixed. Not sure how long that will take.

This may sound gloom and some days it is. I am often reminded of an item or more that we really need or used to have and I get angered. It doesn't last long but it hurts. I feel for those who have fires I do, but with this our stuff is somewhere so I know it is out there being used. We just pray that no one steals our identities with the information that was in the storage unit. I ask my readers that if they know someone is going to become homeless to offer a safe place for their belongings till they get back on their feet.

Don't get me wrong, some days I feel relieved to not have to worry about the things that were in storage we didn't need that were just taking up space. I know most of the things can be replaced, but for the items that have sentimental value, worth, or personal. They can't be replaced, and those hurt the most. When my husband got his disability the state took most of it because they were housing our family in motels which we understand but because they took so much we had just enough to get a used vehicle and a down payment on our apartment. There wasn't enough left over to get both storage units open. I even borrowed money to be able to just get our furniture out of storage and a few other things.

Sometimes people don't understand what others are going through or just how hard things can be. What is sad is there are many people who don't even have what we have and that is scary. This is why when we can we try to help others out even if it makes things hard on our family.

So yes a few bad and sad things happened in the last year but there were also great moments. We have a church family that cares for us. Our older children visit when they can. We have our grand daughter Lilly over a few times a month, and had her most of the summer too. We became grandparents to another grandson this last summer so we now have two grand daughters and two grandsons to love.

We were able to take part in a few outings with our family which was much needed. Our children took part in many opportunities in our town and with their friends families which kept them pretty busy throughout the year. They are also doing well in school. Dorothy loves to swim and even though she had to give up swim club due to our van breaking down looks forward to swimming again as soon as she can. Deanna is over half way through her Criminal Justice classes this year and loves the classes she takes and has a clear goal for what she wants in the future. My son has become Deacon of our Home Church, Samantha is still struggling but making strides in her life path, Bryan got into some trouble last year and we have yet to be able to track him down or hear from him so we have been keeping him in our prayers, last but certainly not least Nesie is doing well, has a job she loves and enjoys going to each day as well as a volunteer job she does in between everything.

Besides our health issues my husband and I are doing well, making the best out of each day. I was able to read many books this year and even joined a book club. Check out my reading log here. I don't get there every month but I do read the books and keep up with what they are doing. One of our favorite things to do is play Call of Duty together. We would love to play games like Apex and Fornite together but we only have one TV and game system, so my husband plays those. I am yet to learn. I know that sounds silly but it has become one of the things we do for fun.

I want to thank all of our readers, friends, family, subscribers, and of course all of the companies I have had the pleasure of reviewing products for, for all of your support. A heartfelt thank you for the last year and for the year ahead. May everyone find something to be thankful for even in the darkest of times.

Menopause or Pregnancy

Menopause or Pregnancy that is the question. With my current age it seems to lean more towards Menopause but I have never missed a menstrual cycle other then when I was pregnant or breastfeeding so our next move it to visit the Dr. for a prognosis. I am currently 3 weeks and counting late. Just the odds of getting pregnant naturally at my age is huge.

Being a born learner I wanted to become aware of all of the good and bad for either. The similarities between Menopause and Pregnancy are so close. Leave it up to God to make it so hard to tell the difference. Now I know why older women go into labor and never knew they were pregnant, they probably just thought they were going through Menopause. 

Pregnancy at my age will be hard.  The medication I am on has to come to stop for the healthiest pregnancy. Since I vomit everything up lets just say my body is rejecting the medication anyways. The chances of going full term or even better getting past the first trimester will be a miracle, but I have seen more then one in my day so I will go with whatever God has planned for us. 

Have we been trying to have another child? We were but gave up as we grew older and my weight went through the roof. We have posed the question to most of our children about having another sibling. Remember we now have 4 grand children of our own. Most of them are supportive but worry about our health and growing age which is understandable. My husband and I have been through all of these questions ourselves, knowing the risks, but also know that if we are blessed with another child it will be the will of God. 

Update soon. Let me know what you think below. If you have been through Menopause or have been pregnant at age 45 or above please give me some advice below. 

My Word for 2007 is Journey

Yes you read that right Journey. Why because it will tell the story of mine and my families Journey throughout 2017. 2016 was a year filled with trials and tribulations which we have come through all alive and well for the most part. Life isn't easy by any means. There is always some hurdle, disaster, illness, or trauma to over come.

With 2017 very much still ahead of us with today only being the 4th.I want take my readers on a Journey with me from daily journeys, personal journeys, and most importantly my Journey with God. He is the reason why we made it through 2016 as well as we did.

I am still a bit behind in my blogs and social updates. Some of my regular readers and followers know that 2016 went out a bit exciting resulting in a big band of excitement for the beginning of 2017 with lots of interviews from News Channels about the surprise package I received.

I know I am leaving some of you scratching your heads. I know you are all on the edge of your seats waiting to hear details but I do promise to get the blog up about that very soon.

Join me on my Journey through 2017.

Sleep Over

Here I am lying in bed next to my oldest daughter while my grand daughter plays on my iPad. The day after Thanksgiving my oldest daughter calls wanting to spend the night. Dorothy and Deanna are off at Friends houses and I am all alone so of course I say yes, no matter the cost.

Samantha tells me she misses sleeping next to me. Something she hasn't done since she was a small girl, and something I never though she would miss. It fills my heart with happiness and sadness all at the same time. She was the baby who as soon as she was done breastfeeding wanted to be put down to sleep. No cuddling for her.

Last night as we slept or rather while she slept I brushed her hair with my fingers behind her ears and once I fell asleep was able to put my arm around her while we slept. I know she is skinny but being able to feel her bones while sleeping made it clear to me she is slipping away from us and I want to be able to help her heal.

She may not be my oldest child or my only child but she is my child, and I don't want to see any harm come to her. She has two beautiful daughters who lover her bunches and to think of them growing up without their mother breaks my heart.

Samantha for some reason just never realized just how beautiful she has always been. This sickness took over her mind, leaving her fighting everyday for her life.

Last night she took a shower and tried to take her potassium and she had to fight to keep it down, losing the battle but hoping enough of it stayed down to keep her from having to visit the hospital again.

Most of her hospital stays have been pretty much her on her own. With us having no vehicle or way to get to her we have been left to wonder if she is getting the care she needs, if she will make it through this time. It is scary as a parent when the phone rings and the first thing you think of will it be the call to tell you she isn't here anymore.

This is a child I stayed with while she was baby in the hospital never leaving her side, taking over all of the care for her once the Nurses taught me how to. The child I breastfed, even after having a bought of mastitis that caused blood poisoning, a child who a I made sure had everything we could afford so she could grow up healthy. She had all of her shots, we told her how beautiful and  proud we were of her.

As a teen she was a teen mom who we supported all of the way. She continued school through her pregnancy was the first to pump milk for her daughter while attending high school, and finished on time with a scholarship to college. She is smart, beautiful, and brings joy to our hearts. I pray for her health every night but know that God will only do what he has planned, which I know not.

As a mother I worry about my children. I miss the ones I don't see often, love the time with those who are home, while praying for their salvation and health. I love them all the same but worry about my Samantha the most. She needs me as a mother and with what we are going through it is hard to give her the care she so desperately needs.

As I am ending this I can hear her breathing which is like music to my ears. If there is breath there is life which gives me hope of another day with this sweet child of mine. So begins another day with a daughter battling anorexia and bulimia.

Homeless in Marksville Day 20

Homeless in Marksville Day 20 July 25th, 2016


This morning Samantha came by to take us to do our laundry and check on me. We did our laundry then we were off to get a few things at the store including epsom salt to soak my toe in  before returning home.

Once home I tried to get a few things done but my toe was hurting more as the day went on so I decided to get into the tub to soak my foot. As the blood dissolved away, more of my toe nail lifted up. The only thing that kept it attached was a very small piece of skin that was holding on for dear life. I finally cut it with first aid scissors and was relieved of pain right away.

When I was all dry and ready for bed we were able to look at my toe more closely and thankfully the nail bed is still there, I just have to watch for ingrown toenails as it grows out again. I am just thankful the pain is gone.

When Dennis saw the picture on Facebook he had no idea it was that bad and is also glad that my toe is OK.  We were all tired from being up so late with my toe so we turned in early.

Homeless in Marksville Day 19

Homeless in Marksville Day 19 July 24, 2016

I slept in a bit then got all settled down to do some blogging when the girls showed up home two days early. I guess they were a little wild so they brought them home. So after the kids were settled we were starting to make Brownies when Deanna somehow tripped and stubbed her foot into my big toe.

All of a sudden there was pain and lots of blood everywhere. After things calmed down and a call to both Dennis and then Dennis to Samantha help was on the way. My left toe nail had literally cracked and then lifted up spraying blood everywhere. I am good at taking care of blood if it is not mine, but with mine I lose it fast.

After getting my toe wrapped up as much as possible and getting it higher then my heart, the adrenaline stopped and the pain started getting strong and my toe was throbbing bad. I was just starting to fall to sleep when Samantha came to check on me and the look on her face wasn't good, she said she would go to the hospital, but I said I would see how it was the next day.

My biggest fear is getting an infection so if I can get by without getting one I would be good to go. I took some pain medication and went to sleep while snuggling with the girls. By the way the brownies came out fine.