Thursday, December 24, 2020

Do you have a hateful child?

 Do you have a child that is very different from the rest of your children? You know the one who you try to make happy and all they do it find something to complain about. Well I have one. We have 6 children and not one of the other children complained about almost everything they were given. From food, clothes, shelter, gifts, friends, family members, siblings, to us being her parents. 

She has never made friends easily or kept them very long, she finds fault in everything while as an adult you can see it is her that is at fault. It really is sad. It is not that we don't love her because we do. We are worried about how she will do when she is out on her own in the world. 

Take for instance this Christmas. She looked at her pile and then at her sister's. There are just two of them left in the home now. She said it seems like everytime I was bad you bought my sister another present. Funny thing is, is that I was thinking the very same thing the night before. Maybe subconsciously I did. 

We live with a daughter who finds fault almost everywhere, she doesn't like how people talk to her, while she thinks swearing is just fine and dandy. She doesn't follow directions causing things to go wrong often, and while we remind her following directions is important for future job employment, she reminds us that she will do what she likes and if her boss doesn't like it they can go *#@! themselves. By the way words like this are generally in every sentence she makes. 

I told you she is quite the character. She tells me almost daily that I should just die, or hopes I will die soon. She says this to her father and siblings as well. She is abusive to her siblings verbally and sometimes even physically. She thinks all old people should be killed off, that adults have to work for her respect. All the while she is sure to put people down until they just can't take anymore and move on to a better relationship. 

She is remote learning for her Senior Year and got a referral for responding to a teacher inappropriately. They couldn't really punish her too much because she isn't actually in school, so even though we stressed how much she should not do this she sees nothing wrong with what she did. She is now 18 and I can't wait for her to move out so we don't have to be stressed about what she might do on any given day. 

It is so hard to say this when as a mom you never really want your kids to move out, you want them little forever so you can protect them from everything, but as a parent you are to teach them how to survive when you are no longer around to pick up the pieces or help them get on the right path. It is heartbreaking to see a child or in this case young adult struggle so much. 

We took parenting classes and they worked for the most part with the other kids, but for some reason not with her. Somedays we are scared to be in the same home with her. She is really abusive, but not so much where we need to call the police although there have been a few close calls. 

Now with all of that being said, she can be good. I have seen her in public do the right things, helping an elderly person, being nice to children, and being polite, so I see the qualities we instilled in her. Things did get through to her. I just hope and pray they continue to grow inside of her. She is beautiful on the outside, just something on the inside, is inside out and twisted. 

I don't want to hear about we should have done this or that, we tried everything in our own upbringing and what the State sees as appropriate and nothing works. Now that she is an adult she has to start making those choices on her own. 

Until that day comes and maybe even after , the older children  and younger will continue to have those on the side glances, questions, and conversations on why is she so different. I know she will read this someday and I am OK with that. It doesn't' change the fact that I love her with all of my heart and soul and would give just about anything to keep her safe. As a parent I can only do so much with the rest being  up to God and her to deal with. 

My hopes is that someday she will be in a much better place mentally and can look back at her upbringing to find joy where we could fit it in. I want her to reach for her dreams with determination and confidence. I wish her well on her journey into adulthood. 

As a parent thinking these thoughts are hard much less sharing them with my readers, but I wanted those out there going through what we are going through to know you are not alone. Don't lose faith. Pray continually for your children. I know prayer works, it can just take years to actually see the results. Lovingly support their dreams along the way, while trying to instill in them best qualities you can in the short time you have to raise your child before they venture out into the world on their own. 

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