Reminders to trust the Lord in all things

 

I was working through my emails when I stopped to read a post from The Unlearning Gazette called Maybe This Delay Is Divine

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths". was one of my mother's favorite sets of verses, and something I have heard her repeat over and over again. Even after 21 years since her passing, I still hear this verse. It gives me peace. 

I personally have been going through a lot the last few years, and even though I mean to leave it all in God's hands my human side tries to compete with God in getting it done first and believe me it usually ends up being a big mess before I stop and listen to the words my mother loved and tried to apply to her own life. 

And this is where the next verse comes in. Not one I heard my mom pray and study, but one that applies to many people today. Psalm 37:7"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass." I have to keep reminding myself to stop, wait, and pray. Life is not a competition.

One of my favorite verses and songs comes from Isaiah 40:31: "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." This verse came in handy while I was going through my operations and treatment for 3rd stage Colon Cancer. 

Finally, some of my favorite things to do when things are hard in the moment are to say "Just Breathe," "One step at a time," and to remind myself how blessed I am to have food, clothes, shelter, and companionship. I hope whoever needs these words today or in the future finds peace and love and remembers, we can't do it all on our own.

One Question a Day for couples.

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 Our lives from the beginning were all about our children but now we are officially empty nesters. Even after almost 35 years together we still learn something new about each other almost daily. The journal, One Question a Day to Stay Close & Curious, A Couple's Journal for a Lifetime of Love by Gina Senarighi is a great book for new couples at any time during their relationship. Actually, this would be nice to do at the beginning of a marriage and then updated throughout the marriage to see how the responses might differ over time.

Our marriage has always been pretty strong but it took work. We have had our lows, highs, and tons of twists and turns over the years. We only had a short time of being a couple before children started coming along and even though we took time for date nights regularly we always found ourselves talking about our children. Not much has changed but not every living minute is about our children now.

Now we are filling in all of the little details and learning more about each other. For instance, when Easter came around I knew my husband always liked his big solid chocolate Easter Bunny which was always in his basket growing up and I know he loves pretty much anything Reese's but other than that he always got what our children got. I didn't really know his favorite candies. These are conversations we have now.

Yes, most of our lives are still taken up with our children and grandchildren but we are discovering new things about each other every day. This journal takes us to places where we might not have taken the time to talk or write about but now we have a space for them. There are many we have spoken to each other about but have never taken the time to actually write down in words that we could come back and read at a later time or leave for our children to read when we are gone.

 

For me being diagnosed with 3rd Stage Colon Cancer was a big eye-opener. My whole life had revolved around my family which is not a bad thing, but I really never took time for myself other than a bath while reading, and that was OK, but now that I have time there are things I want to still do in my lifetime and that includes staying close to my husband and leaving something behind for our children. Money, we don't have but knowledge that I can do.

If you are interested in this book check it out below. 

Reading Log 2022 for MarksvilleandMe

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This year was really hard on our family. Where I thought I would have all the time in the world to read I found myself instead fighting for my life. Stage 3 Colon Cancer really gave me a hard time. We did get in a few books though and I will share them below. One of my bucket list items is reading the whole set of Nancy Drew books. I have read many over the years some more then once but wanted to do them in order.  

Thanksgiving

 I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Last year this time I was still in the hospital not being able to eat anything due to having and NG tube in from complications after my surgery to remove my Cancer in my colon. 

Since I finished my Chemotherapy back in July I have been getting really excited for the Holidays. My oncologist office adopted our family for Thanksgiving which was really nice they provided pretty much everything we could need for dinner. With prices they way they are on food I also got a free turkey from our local Shop Rite from spending so much money on food during a set period of time. I tried to gift the turkey but no one ever responded so we ended up cooking 2 turkeys. 

Cooking the turkeys was a nightmare. When we moved here my Turkey roaster never made it so we bought one of those counter top roasters that everyone raves about. Well ours never cooked the turkey so when we should have been eating we were just putting it into our oven. I think we just got a damaged turkey roaster and I am not sure when we bought it so I couldn't return it to the store so we just had to throw it away. 

Once the turkey was done the feast was ready to be eaten, and boy did we eat. I had a little bit of everything and enjoyed every bite. So very different from last year. When we were done, and getting ready for dessert my daughter Nesie came with her boyfriend Paul to drop Bean off for the weekend. I get Bean (our nickname for my granddaughter Lillyann) most vacations and holidays so they can work without worrying about her. 

They had thanksgiving with Paul's parents this year and his mom decided to just do a turkey breast. Nesie's favorite part of the turkey is the drumstick and oddly enough it is also Paul's favorite too. Since we made two turkeys they took three legs and left one here for Dorothy to pick at since it is her favorite part too. It was awesome to see the joy on their faces when they were wrapping up their turkey legs to enjoy later at their home. 

I was so excited to have most of my girls home at some point during thanksgiving and just overly thankful to be alive and enjoying time with my family. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. 

Stepping it up in the world

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Shopping for exercise equipment can be really hard when you are trying to stay within a budget, making sure it will fit in your home, will be low impact, can be moved or stored easily, as well as finding something that fits your weight range. I have fought with weight since I was 11 years old and became very ill. At my highest weight, I was 460 something pounds and at my lowest when I met my husband I was 190 pounds. Last year I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colon Cancer and had several surgeries, and chemotherapy treatments after having gotten more ill over the past few years to the point that I was sleeping pretty much the whole day away. 

I am now done with treatments, my first set of tests as well as scans have come back and I am getting stronger every day. Instead of using a wheelchair pretty much all of the time I am now using my rollator much more often. I had a physical therapist for a while after each operation and then again after everything because I have Neuropathy (for me that is nonstop pins and needles in both my hands, feet, and legs). I am considered a high risk to fall so I have to be really careful. Between the Neuropathy and other health issues, I have to stick to a low-impact exercise routine. 

I have exercises I do most days for my legs, I added in arm, shoulder, and neck exercises as well once my abdomen was healed. Being in bed I wanted to make sure my muscles did not atrophy, so I have been doing bed exercises since day 2 after the first operation. Most days I am still upset with where I am but if I honestly look back I am in much better shape than I was at the beginning, so I am moving forward. 

I have been wanting to add an elliptical to my routine but sticking to an exercise routine has always been really hard for me. I found that most ellipticals would take up way too much real estate in my home.  Then I found out about desk exercise equipment and my choices greatly expanded. The Cubii is what I decided on. To be honest I have been looking at this particular under-dek elliptical for a while and had it on my wishlist. I was recently contacted by a company to give it a whirl and I almost literally jumped at the chance since it was on the top of my desk exercise equipment list. 

The only pieces of exercise equipment that we had before were a set of aerobic steps (which I can't use presently), one-pound weights, exercise bands (which have gone missing), an exercise ball, a pilates ring, and a recumbent exercise bike which I have yet to get back on to. I have added a Summers Gym Magic, FITNATION Rock N Fit, and now an under-desk elliptical. 

When you get to the Cubii Site you can take a Quiz to see which Cubii is right for you. My Quiz results said that the Cubii Go would be best for me. The Cubii Go has a retractable handle so you can move it and store it easily. Our couches are raised because we are tall so we keep the Cubii right under our couch so it is easy to pull out and use. For me, if it is easy to move and store I am more apt to use it and keep using it. There are blue tooth models but mine is not so I have to manually add my workouts into the app which is free with your Cubii. 

This is how your box will come so if it is a gift make sure you are able to get it wrapped or put it away for later gift-giving. I am very happy with the way it was shipped and packed.

When you take all of the pieces out of the box this is what you should have. Instructions were clear to understand and made it super easy to assemble the Cubii Go. It took under 5 minutes total to put together although my husband said it was more like 2 minutes. It took me longer to download the app and set my profile up than it did to unbox and put the Cubii Go together. The app is included with the purchase. 

Once I was set up with my profile I noticed they have a Gratitude is the Attitude November Wellness Journi which I joined right away. Today's challenge was pretty easy. I had to use the Cubii for 20 minutes while reading, watching, or listening to something informative. After 20 minutes I added in my time and my first workout was logged in graph form and I got an achievement. Tomorrow's challenge is to drink 80oz of water. I am always struggling with getting enough water in. With challenges, I am more apt to keep doing things because it is more like a game. 

Before getting this I was a little skeptical about the foot surface size but as you can see in my picture at the top of this post, there is plenty of room for your feet both bare or with shoes on. I wear a size 9.5 women's USA and there is plenty of room for a much larger foot to fit onto it comfortably.

If you are in your office and are using this under-desk elliptical you can stick your chair wheel into this pull-out slot which is also the expandable handle so that you aren't rolling backward while trying to those steps in for the day. 

Cubii even has free classes that will step up your workout routine. I will be trying these in the next few days. I am so excited to find something that is so easy to use and fits into our home as well as something I can use that my body is actually capable of doing. I love that the Cubii Go comes with a retractable handle and wheels for easy portability, an easy-to-read digital display, and 8 resistance settings. At the Cubii website, you can even order other accessories like weights, mats, foot straps, etc. If you are interested you can get 30.00 off your first order here.

Our family can use this under-desk elliptical at a desk, on the couch, on the edge of a bed, or even on the porch while enjoying nice weather outside. I am so excited to start this new journey with Cubii and my readers. Here is to stepping up in the world. 

Homeschooling for the second year

 

We aren't new to homeschooling (we homeschooled my nephew who we have had since he was a baby) and wish we really did it with our first child and continued with all of them. With that being said on July 27,2021 we made the decision to homeschool our youngest child. Between Covid -19, remote learning, and the public school system doing a great disservice in teaching my children (at least the last two) we felt we needed to take the reigns so our youngest child would be better prepared for what the future may hold for her.

Little did we know I would find out that soon after that I had cancer and then find out it was Stage 3 Colon Cancer. My immune system was horrible, to begin with, Chemotherapy didn't make it any better so it was the right move at the right time. Even though last year threw us curve balls we made it through, seeing our child start to blossom, and finding out what she really enjoyed and what she hated in school was worth it. 

We are of course better prepared than we were last year and so far the school year is going well. 

Scan and Test results.

 I haven't really written about my health issues since it all began but will be backtracking and adding in posts and hope to be able to have them in some kind of order if you would like to go back and read from the beginning. If the latter is true then just keep your eyes open for that post. 

 When this all began I wanted to keep an online journal here on my blog but things went so quickly even though at the time it didn't seem quick at all. I thought so many things would happen or I would have time for this or that but to my surprise, it didn't go quite like I would have liked it to. 

 For anyone just hoping on this rollercoaster, I call my life, Welcome, grab something to drink maybe even a snack. My name is Pamela, I have been married to my husband for 32 years and dating him for 33 years. We have 6 children. My son is 31, my daughter Samantha is 28, Bryan is 25, Nesie is 25, Deanna is 19, and Dorothy is 14. We also have 4 grandchildren 2 grandsons and 2 granddaughters. 

 I was adopted by my paternal Uncle and his wife. They are who I take about whenever I write about my parents if I talk about my biological then that will be the term I use while talking about them. My parents received me when I was two weeks old. 

 I hadn't been feeling well for quite some time (although to be honest I have been getting sick from the very day I was born). I kept losing strength and sleep was taking up most of my days and nights leaving me feeling even more tired. I knew something was wrong and when I found out I had diverticulitis we thought that was the answer but during a colonoscopy to check on my diverticulitis and at the time seeking a surgeon to remove my sigmoid from my colon they found a mass which they cut and removed which showed Cancer. 

 They were pretty sure they had it all and that I was at most stage 1 Colon Cancer but once they were able to do the Cancer Removal Surgery my results came back Stage 3 Colon Cancer. It had spread to my lymph nodes. As I said I am working on getting my notes from the last year or so together and adding them here so we are now going to take a big jump to now. 

 I finished my chemotherapy on July 21st. I had a few appointments after that date that will be added as I go along but we are going to keep our attention on my first set of scans and tests since then. 

 I had my colonoscopy in mid-September 2022. I have hemorrhoids, and my diverticulitis is still there, but where they did my surgery has healed well, and looks beautiful they said. My mammogram came back clean, but I am still waiting on the ultrasound they took of my ovaries. No news is good news, right? I see that Dr. later this month.

 I had my cat scans last Thursday. My Oncologists office called today to go over them with me. There is something on my thyroid (I already have hypothyroidism, and growth in the same area but not attached to the thyroid) that I didn't get the name of but will be confirming what action is needed next with my Primary Doctor who was given a copy of the scans. Called today but he had already left for the day so hope to hear from him by tomorrow. My oncologist is monitoring a few nodules on or in my lungs. Do forgive me I will update you when I know which it is. Instead of having a clear scan and being able to go another 6 months till my next scan I will be getting more scans in three months to check on my lungs.

 I had hoped to give everyone the all-clear for the next 6 months but it just isn't the case. I guess once you get Cancer you are always waiting for it to strike again. I didn't worry about it till I had it and now I can't shake the feeling of dread every time there is a test no matter how positive I try to be. I have a hard time sleeping and want to spend as much time with my family as I can. There is just never enough time to do it all. 

Glocusent 16 LED Rechargeable Book Light review

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I was recently able to try out the Glocusent 16 LED Rechargeable Book Light which was sent to me for my honest opinion. Honestly, I love it. It is rechargeable, you can change the light setting with a click, and it will last 80+ hours although I can't vouch for the 80 hours yet as I haven't read that many non-digital books to know if it lasts that long yet. 

This is great for both children and adults. You won't bother your partner while reading, it is great for camping or even for the kids who love to read when they are supposed to be sleeping. I was one of those kids for sure. I love that it helps me read without having to ask someone to help turn the light on at night as I am currently battling colon cancer and this gives me some independence on my down days so that I can do something for myself without having to depend on other so much during the night. 

What I think would make this better is a timer that blinks the light when it will turn off for those parents who don't want their kids staying up all night, as a reminder, it's time for bed you can read more tomorrow. 

If you are interested check it out at Glocusent 16 LED Rechargeable Book Light. 

Met with my Oncologist

 I wanted to update everyone. I had my oncologist appointment last Thursday. My daughter and I will be attending education day this week. Between then and January 6th I will have a small surgery where they put in a port for my medications as well as a pre-treatment day.

I am stage 3A pT1 N1A colon cancer. I will be getting chemotherapy every other week for 6 months. On Thursdays starting January 6th one treatment will be done at the clinic and the second will be done at home for the next two days via a pump. The pump gets disconnected on a Saturday.

My Oncologist and Hematologist will be working hand in hand to monitor me the whole way. I have several health issues that may make this a bit tedious. I am already anemic so they know they will probably have to stop and restart treatment to let my body heal.

I already have a bleeding disorder and these treatments will make spontaneous bleeding happen more often. I will be having many blood tests and checkups along the way. They aren't sure how long my body will take the treatments before they may need to stop them so that is a toss-up.

The side effects are not pleasant, but we are trying to get the things we need in our home before we need them to make it easier on my husband who likes to be prepared, he doesn't like surprises. When I left the hospital I weighed a lot more than when I went in. I lost all of that which was about 25 lbs, as well as 30 lbs of my before-operation weight. I'm a big girl so the loss of weight isn't a worry for me like it would be for someone who is thin.

We will keep you updated as often as we can. Thank you all for the support and keep those prayers coming.

Stage 3 Colon Cancer

 My Surgeon called bright and early this morning as in he woke me up. He informed me that they got the whole Tumor but did find cancer in my lymph nodes. I have stage 3 colon cancer and the next step is to see my oncologist and start chemotherapy. Keep those prayers coming.

Sent to the ER

     I wasn't feeling well when I saw the Gastroenterologist last Tuesday, they were hoping it was just the new foods introduced causing my colon to work harder but it has gotten progressively worse even with going back to a low residue diet, so they want me to go to the ER at Albany Medical Center just in case. My daughter is on her way to take me.

    While I am waiting for my daughter to pick me up to go to the Er. I thought I would update the plan. Like I said I saw my Gastroentrolgist last Tuesday and that visit went ok, it was just talking about our next steps with them, our next appointment, what to do if I get sick, and setting up an appointment for Dennis to be seen next time we go in. Just so you know the age is 45 now not 50 to get a colonoscopy.         

Wednesday the surgeon's office called to set up testing to see just where the cancer is and if it has spread. Thursday my surgeon called to let us know that the second pathologist confirmed that it is Cancer and wanted to set up my operation date for early October.

    His plan is to use the robot to do my operation if applicable, which is also depending on if the Gynocologist wants my ovaries removed, or if I have a bleed or any other complications, I might lose my colon and end up with a bag, then he would have to do a larger incision. I also have to go for an ultrasound of my legs to check for any blood clots before the surgery as well as having a covid test.

    As of right now I also have to go into the hospital 2 days prior to the operation so that they can start my IV for my bleeding disorder. They are going on at least a nine-day stay with no complications. Of course, right now with me not feeling well I might just be in there until I heal after the big operation so I, Dennis, or my daughter Nesie will be updating everyone as much as they can when I am unable to. I am taking my phone, tablet, and charging cords so I can update as much as I can. Keep the prayers coming. Hugs.

Lots of phone calls

     Today I was able to talk to my gynecologist, hematologist, and my Surgeon. I am set up for the ultrasound on my ovaries where they found a growth last year in July for early September and my appointment for mid-September with my gynecologist.

    They are getting the scans from my Gastroenterologist. My Hematologist is reviewing the paperwork and has set me up with the best Oncologist they have, they will be calling tomorrow with my appointments. My Surgeon had more information but still not all of it, she wants it all from day one but has come up with a plan where I am going to see the Surgeons from Albany Med as they have the resources I will need after the operation no matter what they run into.

    She said I will have 24/7 nurses and doctors on hand until after I am out of the woods. I am just a complicated case they need to pay close attention to. I now know where my cancer is but not how far along I am other than the cancer is still in the wall of my colon so we need to get it out soon. The Cancer is on my right side below my gall bladder. They may have to take my whole large intestine but I will update you as we know more. Thank you to everyone who has been calling, texting, and most importantly praying.

Saw the Surgeon on Friday

     I have been meaning to update everyone it's just been hard. Thursday Night my Dr. called with the biopsy results. I have Cancer in my Colon and they aren't a 100% they got it all. Friday I had my appointment with my Surgeon and that was just a mess. She didn't have any of the information she should have had and the Cancer really changes things up.

    Where she thought we could wait has turned into we have to do this so she needed the updated Scans etc to be able to let me know what their office could do if anything. More or less she said operating on me is very dangerous and it could shorten my lifespan considerably if I were to even make it through. Not what I wanted to hear but will listen to what she has to say on Monday.

Of course, I am going to get a second opinion because I just can't go into an operation with someone who is already doubting what they are capable of. On a good note, I was able to leave a message with my Hematologists office as she is also an Oncologist. They left a message that they will call on Monday as well. Please keep my children, my husband, and myself in your prayers.

All ready for my procedures

 I wanted to be more clear about my operation/procedures tomorrow. I am having a colonoscopy and endoscopy. They want to rule out cancer, as well as check things to make sure they have a clear picture to know just how much of my colon will need to be removed. I see a Surgeon on Friday to talk about my Sigmoid removal to hopefully get rid of the diverticulitis. This is something they found back when they did my emergency appendectomy back in 2018, it has just taken time, compounded diagnosis, and then finally infection on top of infection to get the doctors all on the same page. It has just become dangerous to my life for this to continue so it is time to take care of things. Please keep me in your thoughts as you go about your day tomorrow.

Going Back a bit

I went back before my diagnosis and found an update on my Facebook page for June 22,2021. I am sure there are more but I will go from this date. This was before my cancer diagnosis when we thought it was just plain diverticulitis we were dealing with even though my blood results were saying a bit more. 

 "An update on my health for those interested. I had been having multiple issues since my Emergency Appendectomy/Diverticulitis infection on April 1st, 2018. About a year later they found a growth on my ovaries which has been being monitored, but they would like to remove. Infections in my bowel started slowly and now I am getting them one on top of the other. I just got done with my antibiotics on June 13th, 2021 had my cat scan on June 17th, 2021 there was already an infection again so I am going to be starting Antibiotics again today. Now my operations, endoscopy, colonoscopy, colon removal, and whatever else they decide to take while in there have been moved back because they want me to be infection free for at least 8 weeks. Please pray for these Antibiotics to work and that my body will stay infection free so they can do these operations. I am trying to stay optimistic about everything but I am just plain tired and it is taking its toll on the family as well."