Sleep Over

Here I am lying in bed next to my oldest daughter while my grand daughter plays on my iPad. The day after Thanksgiving my oldest daughter calls wanting to spend the night. Dorothy and Deanna are off at Friends houses and I am all alone so of course I say yes, no matter the cost.

Samantha tells me she misses sleeping next to me. Something she hasn't done since she was a small girl, and something I never though she would miss. It fills my heart with happiness and sadness all at the same time. She was the baby who as soon as she was done breastfeeding wanted to be put down to sleep. No cuddling for her.

Last night as we slept or rather while she slept I brushed her hair with my fingers behind her ears and once I fell asleep was able to put my arm around her while we slept. I know she is skinny but being able to feel her bones while sleeping made it clear to me she is slipping away from us and I want to be able to help her heal.

She may not be my oldest child or my only child but she is my child, and I don't want to see any harm come to her. She has two beautiful daughters who lover her bunches and to think of them growing up without their mother breaks my heart.

Samantha for some reason just never realized just how beautiful she has always been. This sickness took over her mind, leaving her fighting everyday for her life.

Last night she took a shower and tried to take her potassium and she had to fight to keep it down, losing the battle but hoping enough of it stayed down to keep her from having to visit the hospital again.

Most of her hospital stays have been pretty much her on her own. With us having no vehicle or way to get to her we have been left to wonder if she is getting the care she needs, if she will make it through this time. It is scary as a parent when the phone rings and the first thing you think of will it be the call to tell you she isn't here anymore.

This is a child I stayed with while she was baby in the hospital never leaving her side, taking over all of the care for her once the Nurses taught me how to. The child I breastfed, even after having a bought of mastitis that caused blood poisoning, a child who a I made sure had everything we could afford so she could grow up healthy. She had all of her shots, we told her how beautiful and  proud we were of her.

As a teen she was a teen mom who we supported all of the way. She continued school through her pregnancy was the first to pump milk for her daughter while attending high school, and finished on time with a scholarship to college. She is smart, beautiful, and brings joy to our hearts. I pray for her health every night but know that God will only do what he has planned, which I know not.

As a mother I worry about my children. I miss the ones I don't see often, love the time with those who are home, while praying for their salvation and health. I love them all the same but worry about my Samantha the most. She needs me as a mother and with what we are going through it is hard to give her the care she so desperately needs.

As I am ending this I can hear her breathing which is like music to my ears. If there is breath there is life which gives me hope of another day with this sweet child of mine. So begins another day with a daughter battling anorexia and bulimia.

Homeless in Marksville Day 16

Homeless in Marksville Day 16, July 21, 2016

Here we are on what we call Homeless day. The kids and I are up and ready at the crack of dawn to be ready for our ride to Social Services. Deanna wanted to stay home so she stayed here, while Dorothy and I left to go.

I was dropped off at Columbia Opportunities to print off my apartment/ house searches which you have to do every week and you have to do at least 6. I am not sure why they don't have Computers or Printers available at Social Services for this as it would make things go more quickly as well as cut down on the gas and driving their workers are doing, but this is the way it works. Since our two printers are somewhere in storage and I wouldn't know how to hook up one without help from Dennis. He is the tech, I am the internet user.

I had to wait for the person who watches over the computers to get to work, As I have said before I know a lot of people and the person who looks after the computers is one of them. Once signed on  I was able to quickly print out what I needed. Dorothy enjoyed some chips from the computer baby sitter while I was doing my things, and then called for a ride from Columbia Opportunities to Department of Social Services to hand in my papers.

At Social Services you are greeted by two police officers. Sometimes I know who is on other times they are strangers to me. You go through a metal detector, then meet with a switchboard person who puts you name on a list and calls your worker.

My worker was out so a nice temp took my information and then got the OK for me to call and pay for a cab myself and when it was time to get a ride back to our motel they would pick me up at Walmart instead of at Department of Social Services.

Depending on what time you are picked up we were picked up around 8:45Am I was done with Columbia Opportunities before 10:00 AM and done with Social Services at 10:45 or so. I would have had to sit around Social Services from then till about 2:00-2:30 for my ride home.

I paid 6.00 for a cab from DSS to Walmart and gave the driver a 1.00 tip, so that I could get things we needed like food, dish soap, etc. I was also able to get a little something for the girls to keep them busy, and spend some one on one time with Dorothy which she didn't get at the beginning of the week due to Lilly being over.

They picked us up around 2:30 we had just gotten done with eating some ice cream cones from Walmart, so we loaded up the van and we were then driven home. When we got home Deanna has locked herself out of our room but it had just happened so she hadn't been out there long. I am so glad because it was hot.

We put everything away and Deanna said that Dennise had wanted to come and get her, Dorothy, and Lilly so they could swim this weekend and see the Fireworks. There was a bit of time getting everything settled but it did get done. You just can't make everyone happy so you have to compromise.

Homeless in Marksville Day 13

Homeless in Marksville Day 13 July 18th 2016

This morning we woke to be ready for Samantha to take us to do laundry. There was a knock at the door and it was the owner saying they were going to put an air conditioner. I was thinking it would be old and used but  it turned out to be brand new out of the box, very happy.

We had just finished breakfast when she arrived and we were off to do the laundry which went quickly. I also changed our address, stopped at the Dollar General, and of course stopped to get a few things to eat since our fridge is so small you can only old about three days of food if that inside at a time.

Storage while Homeless in a motel

Today I wanted to hit on storage. As you see above we have one of those little dorm fridges, you know the kind that are to keep your leftovers or drinks cool. They aren't made to store food for long term or to keep enough food for one person never mind a whole family for a week or more till they can go shopping again.

Mind you when my daughter can she takes me shopping but we still run out of things in between, which brings me to another conversation I will bring up at a later time.

We also have a tiny microwave, while bigger then that last motel this one as a touch screen control rather then a dial, but it is still small. We are lucky to have a toaster oven which was provided by another agency that is helping us out but once we are done it will be moved onto another family who can use it.

I also just picked up a single burner but I don't have pots or pans to cook with yet. Every time we need something or buy something besides the single burner I know we have in storage far away from us, it stings because it using the very little money we are given just to get things started.

This motel has a closet which I keep my review items in, and drawers which my girls keep their clothes in with the others being used for storage for our eating and cooking products, as well as our food. Myself I am living out of the only suitcase our family still owned.

On top where the microwave is we have our boxes of drinks, the hermit crab, and misc. items that change depending on need. It isn't easy, most of the things we are eating right now are junk. I need more cooking items so that I can feed my kids properly. They bellies aren't used to all of this junk and neither is mine.

We are ever thankful for our blessings, and we know that this time will come to an end and we will all be together in a home somewhere in the future.

Homeless in Marksville Day 11

Still hot in our room they are supposed to change it out the air conditioner soon. We have my grand daughter today so it was pretty busy. The girls played with the neighbors boy and a boy who stayed the night in one of the other motel rooms here.

We didn't get to that picnic since the kids were playing so hard. We found out that they don't come around to the rooms on the weekends so looks like we have to wait for those towels. Yesterday when Dorothy took her shower she didn't know to have the shower curtain on the inside of the bathtub she is used to two shower curtains one inside and one outside, so all of the towels were used to wipe up the soaked floor.

My room needs a major overhaul. Before Deanna left she moved everything but she never seems to move things were they are useful, but at least she was busy. I will be working on putting everything back where they belong as well as making things more accessible.

My back is feeling better so I hope to video where we are to send a copy to my husband to see so he knows how it is here for us. I also want to take some pictures while the flowers are in bloom. The grounds are really beautiful here.

Homeless in Marksville Day 2

Homeless in Marksville Day 2 July 7th 2016

Day 2 started with the lady who helped us out the night before sending over cereal and milk for the girls. Once the girls were done with breakfast they returned the cereal and milk to the lady and played with her girls pretty much all day.

I layed down after my back medication which isn't even touching the pain. It usually puts me to sleep with in 15 minutes but it isn't even doing that. Dorothy laid down beside me and fell asleep as well.

Then there was a knock on the door someone came from DSS to take us shopping. What a Godsend. My husband must have been on the phone all morning making phone calls and getting things set in motion for us.

We went to Walmart and were able to get food to last us until we get to go out again as well as some microwavable products to be able to cook our meals on. While there we ran into my son who works 7 days a week and let him know where we were.

We returned to the motel to find out yet another person my husband had contacted had brought by a pay as you go cell phone, a toaster oven, can opener which we didn't buy, as well as some extra water, food, and fresh fruit for the girls.

While we were out we bought ice cream for the girls to share with the kids here as there is no where to keep ice cream here so I thought everyone would like a treat as well as cupcakes. The kids played hard.

I was able to get the pay as you go phone up and going all on my own, something that is usually left to my husband to do but I thought I should learn how to do it myself. I called my husband who was glad to hear my voice and to know people had come by to take us shopping.

I found out where they have him he had fallen on the broken tile in his bathroom and had to call 911. He spent 7 hours in the hospital and then they released him with some pain medication and muscle relaxers. One the kids were done playing we all turned for the night.

My husband had certainly been busy and those who could came through to give us some help. Still missing the internet but hope to get these posts posted when I can get near wifi.

Homeless in Marksville Day 1

Homeless in Marksville Day 1 July 6th 2016
Here we are on the 6th of July finally homeless. Being homeless isn't easy but we are still blessed to have a roof over our heads while many others are on the streets with no place to go.

The day started with us getting up early in the morning to pack the rest of our belonging we could fit into storage and then waiting for someone to pick us up to go the homeless unit. By the time we got a ride we were just getting there before they closed, so I am hoping this motel is just temporary.


Alas I am stuck in a motel where you can't drink the water, they don't provide towels, they have a tiny fridge that will not hold a weeks worth of food which they tell you to buy until they can take you out the following week to shop again. There is as small microwave which I don't even think is big enough to fit a coffee cup into, and a 13 inch tv with cable. We have been TV free for over 12 years.

I just want my children to be able to watch their shows on Netflix and Amazon which are totally paid for instead of all this commercial crap they show on TV. I keep thanking God but I had really hoped for a place with wifi so I could keep up to date with my blogs and reviews.

With all of the packing, moving, etc which would have not happened without the help of some awesome strangers, a very little help from family, my back is so sore I can hardly move without another spasm starting in. I couldn't take the medicine for my back before we were settled because I needed to be awake not in a sleep coma which this medicine does to me.

Once we were at the motel a nice lady and her two girls helped us get settled gave us bottled water, a towel and washcloth to use, as well as ramen noodles and microwave bowls to borrow. Later that night she ordered pizza. She is a real blessing along with her two children who quickly became friends with my daughters.

The lady also let me borrow her phone to call my husband and let him know what was going on.The girls took showers and then we all went to bed.

This is my life #BehindTheBlogger

Sorry I haven't written much other then reviews or posting giveaways and the like. Our family has been going through a bit of a rough time. Most people know my husband fell at his job over 3 years ago and had a total quad rupture, he is one of the 3% that didn't heal. Here we are over 3 years later having gone through disability court them denying him, then to court, and now reapplying all over again.

On top of that we have had no money other then the little bit I bring in here on my blog which pretty much just keeps the telephone and internet on, no thousands of dollars being made here yet. I am disabled as well, still waiting for my appeal date to come. We have had no money other then my blog since June of 2015, we do get public assistance, but it has all gone to our landlord and hasn't even covered half of our rent. He has been patient but he took us to court and we are going to be homeless in the next few weeks.

Public assistance in NY gives you 363.00 a month for a family of 5 which is what we were when we first started getting help we are a family of 4 now with my daughter away at college (she has a full ride) and  the rest of our grant which would go to things like toilet paper etc you know needs not wants all goes to our landlord and again it doesn't even cover half of our rent. We have looked for other places but they are all smaller and cost more.

The Judge signed the paper and our landlord gives the paper to the Sheriff on June 7th just about a week from today and from there he says it takes the Sheriff about 2 weeks to actually come. Social services will not pay the back rent, and we can't move anywhere else because there is no place for whatever we are allowed for a family of 4.

So we literally have to wait to the day we become homeless to go to Social Services and see the Homeless unit and then they will decide if they can even help us out. We don't have a car, no money for a storage unit, or a Uhaul to move our stuff to it. Neither of us are supposed to pick up over 10 pounds so you can start to feel where we are at. We are praying for a miracle that people will come and help us when we can get the Uhaul here.

We also have to time this just right so that our things are put into storage only a day before we are homeless because once our fridge and stove are gone we can't provide meals for our children, so there is a lot going on with nothing more then we can't give you any more information until you are actually homeless. Makes you feel helpless.

We told our two girls who are still home that no matter what we will be together, and  things will get better. It has been hot here the last few days which has not helped with tempers flaring, or the uncertainties that I have that I can't answer for our children because we do not know the answer.

We have to find a temporary home for our elderly Saint Bernard, 3 cats, and 2 kittens until we get back on our feet. The third kitten should have a home it is just not old enough to leave the mama yet.
I have always shopped with coupons over 24 years now so you can imagine how big some of my stockpiles might be so we also have to take into account where do I put a upright freezer, and chest freezer full of food while we are homeless? How about my pantry. Our pantry is as big as most kitchens.

The kids are worried about school we are still in session here, we have resolved that and know the school will come and pick them up and drop them off if we are placed in a motel, which is what we have our fingers crossed for. Mind you they can say sorry we don't have anything for you, seriously they can, but our hope is that they can help us.

I get mad everytime I hear someone say that people who get help are lazy, using the system, have it easy, etc. etc. They are wrong, Yes there are people who take advantage, but then there are families like us that need a little help until things come through. We are a family who has worked for everything we have, and now that we can't work things are just taking a while to fall into place so we needed a little help. Help we thought that would see us through but hence here we are taking one day at a time. This is my life!

I am usually the one to try and make everyone happy, keep the family in the loop, do the paperwork, pay the bills, cook dinner, make phone calls, keep the family on schedule, etc etc, but right now I need a break, but as a mom I just don't get that. I have faith in God that everything will turn out OK, but there is the human side of me who has doubts.

Don't worry we have had some great things happen too like my 8 year old daughter winning first prize in poster contest which happened to be for homelessness isn't that funny. She was also picked to be in both tennis and running club.

We haven't gone without food and just when we need money for toilet paper or something like that a little bit of money comes in from one of my blogs and we have enough to order from online, or buy from a store when we can get a ride out to shop which is about once or twice a month.

Our children are healthy for the most part, and most of the time we can still laugh throughout the day when most would be going nuts. We have always been adaptive but of course that was before we were disabled, now it is just scary.

I am having a hard time dealing with everything, but I smile, I laugh, I love, and I still help others out. This is my life.



Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.  Please hop along and read all of the blog posts in this weeks hop. Just click the links below. If you want real and raw emotion, then you will find it here. After you read each post, please comment and share. We want to get to know you too!

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Confessions of a Clothing Hoarder Part 4

I have an update actually this is two days of work as well as a few extra pictures of our room while it was being painted and things being moved around. It took my husband several months to get the painting done. Being disabled really slows him down. He could have done a few large houses in this time before he was disabled. 

Yesterday I was able to get ride of the cedar rubbermaid tote in front of the closet by sorting, folding, and putting away things. My husband also picked up where the paint can had fallen and spilled on the wall when his dresser was here. You can also see what the right side of my closet looked like before we started. 

As you ca see it looks a lot better now, the floor is all clean. The closet was filled with our new bedding and pillows that we had bought about two years ago as well as tons of clothes we had to sort and go through. I also took everything out of the closet vacumned and then put everything back in on hangers. We were able to get rid of 5 garbage bags of clothes from this closet alone to donate which will be added to the 3 garbage bags of coats to donate that are waiting in our dining room for someone to pick up. 

This is the left side of the closet, as you can see when we opened the door stuff started pouring out. I forgot to mention that I also had a huge stack of magazines I need to go through which are now stacked by my bed. Once we cleaned out the closet we noticed another leak on the closet ceiling but not sure if it was before they fixed that part of the roof and the paint is just flaking, or if it is new so we need to keep an eye on it. There was no damage to anything so we are thinking it is from before they fixed the roof.

As you can see this look a lot better as well. My husband took a razor blade and cleaned off the mirrors. I have no idea why there was nail polish, and halloween colored hair spray on my mirror, or why the kids would even do such a thing, but we were thinking what we thought was nail polish might have been kids craft paint, but we aren't sure. Either way everything came off and once we have some more vinegar I will go over it with a microfiber cloth to make it less streaky. All we had was Fantastic to clean with.

This mess is in front of the Closet system we bought when we moved here, and as you can see it was pretty much a disaster. Of course after we got rid of the plastic frame we found drawers in the two bedrooms we just finished as well as my daughters room. When we asked everyone said there were none, "of course there weren't". 

Like I said our room went through a few changed from the painting, and then our daughter going off to college, we too her dresser. Like most parents our children always had the nice bedding while we did with handme downs we found along the road. We strive to have a nice set someday but until then we continue to reuse and repurpose.

You might notice the dresser goes from having things on it to nothing and then to having stuff on it again. I need to get things in drawers but my Fibromyalgia will only let me get so much done. I was lucky enough to have energy enough to do this two days in a row. I of course didn't make dinner either night, my husband made two simple dinners for us, pizza last night, and ham & cheese wraps tonight. I appreciate his help. 

I had my husband take some measurements for the spaces above the closet organizer as well as our hutch so I can either find baskets later on for them when we have money or if I can get a few rolls of contact paper in a nice pattern I can do some cardboard boxes cut down to size for the tops. One thing about doing reviews, we always have boxes coming in. 

Here are a few more pictures of the wall before it was painted. Believe me we have been here for going on 9 years now and we never got around to painting our room so it still had compound on the walls from the people before us and some from spots my husband went over. But now the room is done, not the ceiling it is just too much for him to do now.

I still have some more to do in this room, and hope to get to it sooner or later. I have clothes to put in drawers, magazines to take down into my office to go through and of course once my husband is done with his dressers, pictures of his dressers. 

The best part about the whole day was being able to put brand new curtains up on the windows, and brand new bedding on the bed. It literally has been sitting my closet for two years, and now is finally being used. I have a plan for new nightstands that my husband thought was awesome. We have most of the supplies but are missing two things to make it happen so I as soon as we can either find those for free or I can find them for an awesome price online that will have to wait. 

By the way I also have another bedding set we bought about a month after this because I wanted to make sure we had two sets in case we needed to change our bedding during the night. As for the old ripped, stained, and worn bedding, the comforter will be used for a blanket for our dog kennel before making it's way to the dump. I hope you like Confessions of a Clothing Hoarder so far and continue to come back and visit.

Bedroom 1

This particular bedroom was my second oldest daughters room. She loved orange so that explains the color. I has been this way since she was in 6th grade and she is now in college. Since she is away we thought we would take the time to clean it up. Before we were able to to our youngest daughters thought it would be a neat idea to fill this room with all of the stuff they didn't want in their rooms. Wrong so what I thought would be easier became a bit harder. We had already pulled out the dresser, bed, clothes, and curtains before and had put the extra mattresses up against one wall before they filled the room with junk.

I wanted to remind my readers we rent so please don't judge the window that were not put in right or other things that the landlord has not fixed yet. We have been here 9 years and the list which we have had from day one just keeps getting bigger and his men only come out to do a few things at a time. Usually when they are here they have to borrow my husband's tools because they don't have the right tools for the job, and they usually break something else while they are here, which gets added to the list on top of everything else. They really need to spend a few weeks here fixing things that are falling apart and then things would be good here for quite a while.

With that being said most houses 1/4 this size cost more to rent so getting someplace smaller doesn't make sense if it costs more. On another note we haven't had any income since June of 2015 so we can only make things better in our own home by repurposing things. Thankfully both my husband and myself are pretty crafty so we do what we can with what we already have.

If you remember the floor was pretty bad before with things that just needed to be sorted, gone through, and thrown out. The bowl on the heater is rat poison made from equal parts flour, sugar, and baking soda. Rats can not pass gas so this kills them. My landlord did put the real poison down in the basement but because we have animals this was put where they would be so that they wouldn't be harmed. Our cats kill the rats but they won't eat them, so they are safe either way. Our Saint Bernard wouldn't touch this mixture unless it was dipped in chocolate so she is safe too, and my girls all know not to touch it. So far the cats and the safe poison has taken out 5 full size rats and two babies in the house where we could dispose of them. We are still waiting to see what happens with the rest.

These were some totes that the girls had filled up with junk, old shoes, etc. The shoes are now in two totes in our dining room waiting to go through but as you can see the room is cleaned out. Below is the inside of my daughters walk in closet. you can see where the wall is falling apart because of a leak in the ceiling for the last two years, but it is cleaned out. By the way you should have seen this house before we moved it in. It was super rough. 

There are two rods in the back side and then one large one that is not pictured. This closet now houses the coats that I went through when we worked on the clothes from the downstairs bathroom/laundry room, which will be gone through again to week out anything that doesn't' fit the girls so they can be passed on to those in need.

This is bedroom one done. We are repurposing a rolling doll house which we have been working on. We actually have two one downstairs and one upstairs will try to take picture of what it looks like so far at some point, and then a rack with bins that my mother in law gave us before they moved which we plan to repurpose. I can't wait until it is done so I can show it off to you all. Unless one of my girls move back home this room will stay like this until we move, but it is ready to be transformed back into a room at a moments notice.

Bathroom Pantry part 2

OK so here is my Bathroom Pantry/ game room/ Linen room

Bathroom Pantry Part 1 can be found here.

So far we were able to fix the drawer for the Dresser, Clean off the shelves although I notice from one picture to the next there is black on one shelf. Since I know it isn't paint I think it may be hair spray for halloween so will have to give that a scrub to see if it comes off. 

Here you can see the built in vanity all cleaned off. My husband took all of the almost empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner and made one full bottle of each from those, recycled the already empty bottles and gave the things that weren't used back to me so I could put them on the right shelves. We have several opened bottles of things in the pantry which are marked to use first before opening newer product so we can get rid of those bottles sooner.

We literally removed everything but the shelves or dresser from the room, then wiped the shelves and put things back. It has been about 8 months now since we have had money to buy shampoo, conditioner, pads, body wash, etc, so I was really upset to see just how many things we were getting low on. My girls really do waste shampoo and body wash, they use enough each time for about 20 people. Time for a lesson in body care.

We moved one shelf to the edge of the room leaving a spot in the corner for 10 boxes of sanitary pads. If you didn't already catch on, yes I am a couponer. Have been for 25+ years now and in times like this when we have no income it really comes in handy.

I had to actually have my youngest daughter go upstairs to get the second picture for me because I had forgotten how messy the floor was before we started. As you can see we couldn't even step in that room before. Now the floor is clean and safe to walk on. It feels so nice when I need something I can actually go back there and find what I need without any problem.

We told the girls if they need something they need to ask us and we will get it for them, and for now on Mommy and Daddy are putting away the items from when we go shopping.

We still have the linen, and game part to do which I hope to update for you soon, until then my goal is to maintain what is already done.

Confessions of a Clothing Hoarder Part 3

Before

I really didn't think I would be back this quickly for an update because I have been nursing a headache  for two days now but thought while I was sitting on the couch in the living room I should have the kids bring me clothes so I could fold them. My husband was on it like hotcakes to say the least. 

Sure I didn't get it all done, and have no idea why my daughter thought she should turn the dresser and put it on the opposite wall, but I was able to get a lot of clothes sorted and folded with some being put away. I even have a few bags of clothes to be donated. 

I still have a long ways to go but our bathroom closet which was filled with lots of coats, dresses, etc are now in the right places, as well as some of the clothes I had gone through being put away as well. A little at a time and soon enough it will all be done.

After

Confessions of a Clothing Hoarder Part 2

I wanted to give everyone an update and tell everyone that my daughter decided to move back down this way nearer to where we live so things were up in the air for a while getting my grand daughters room cleaned out and trying to set up a room for my daughter. 

Of course she was only here a few days before she was able to get her own place so the good thing about it is we were able to get two rooms done. The clothes of course just ended up down in the bathroom with all of the others to be washed and thrown on the heaps so they are just larger now. 

We did however cut down on having to look through two rooms for clothes so at least that is done. I will be putting those room up in a post as well. With my Fibromyalgia I kind of do what I can each day. It doesn't always include working on the same project. I am kind of all over the place. 

I know finishing one before starting another is better but I am just not made that way. My mind is pretty much the same always running on overdrive. While I am sick I make lists of what I want to get done and when I am feeling up to it I go, go, go, until I am worn out, doing as much as I can. Yes certain parts of the house looks better but there are still parts that need much attention. 

During this time we decided to combat our upstairs bathroom/pantry. This is a room where we keep all of my deals from couponing that are not food or laundry products, things used for beauty, or in the bathroom. This room also houses our games, and extra bedding. 

You can read more over on the Bathroom Pantry Post to kind of keep these rooms all separate.

#BehindTheBlogger The Things I Should Have Said

My Mom, Dad, and Me

When faced with a terminally ill parent, family member, or friend there are always thoughts about what you should have said before they passed, or even asked.

For my it happens that my mother Frieda Graham died on this exact day in 2004. We all knew it was coming. When my father died she was diagnosed with cancer shortly after. She had it for a while but just didn't voice it to anyone that she was having problems.

She decided against treatment she wanted to be with my father. Her decision was made, there was nothing we could say to change her mind. At first I thought everything was on my shoulders. Taking her to appointments, getting her medicine, taking care of my children, husband, home, while working. It all took a tole on me. That is until I was facing being ill once again myself.

The Dr.'s thought I had Cancer but after all of the tests were done they came up with I was taking on too much, the stress was literally killing me, so I was instructed to slow down while getting Hospice involved. Finally my brothers stepped into help out with her care which helped me out greatly, just in time for me to find out I was pregnant.

This gave my mother new life, she wanted to live and swore she was going to see that baby be born. The Dr. was thinking otherwise but her thinking was she was going to see it happen. Sometime during my pregnancy soon after a routine visit I stopped feeling the baby move, after a visit to the hospital we found that the baby had no heartbeat and had just stopped everything. This was February 9th, 2004.

From the day I lost the baby I didn't stop bleeding I was getting more sick by the day while keeping the news of the baby's death to myself and hearing my mother talk about the baby all of the time. I finally broke down and spoke to the Dr. and to Hospice they told me I had to tell her no matter how painful it was because they both knew she was only holding on so she could see that baby and it was unfair for me to lead her on with a birth that was not going to happen. 

So I told her. She cried, I cried, and we held each other. A month to the day on March 9th, 2004. My mother passed. Right in between my Father's Birthday March 5th, 1943, and their Anniversary March 15, 1969. March is a very hard month for me to say the least. 

Soon after I told her she ended up in the hospital and never came out. It was hard seeing her deteriorate so quickly. Three days before she died she heard a baby crying and she was telling my brother Timmy who wasn't even there to go and get Pam she fell and got hurt. She was apparently reliving her life at the time. When she was coherent. She had remembered my husband and myself being together and having our son but she didn't remember the girls so I kept showing her pictures of her grand children. It was hard.

The day before she died they called in everyone to come and see her. Kind of like her last respects I suppose. The worst part of it was telling her she could leave. Daddy was waiting for her. That I would be OK. 

What I would have said thinking back at it would be don't go, I need you, I am not OK without you. 

That  night before she died I went to give her a hug and leave and she wouldn't let me go so I ended up kneeling on a chair and slept with her all night. In the morning I told her I was going to go home take a shower, check on the kids, and I would be right back. 

While I was gone we got the call that she had passed. They told me she was holding on to life, ME, and she couldn't or wouldn't leave until I had left. I felt like I had let her down. I would have held on to her forever if I knew it would have kept her here longer. 

Today 12 years later I still have questions I want answered. There are things I want to say. There are things I would have done differently. No matter how sick I was I should have been with her every day. There is never enough time to spend with those you love. Time slips away to quickly leaving you with The Things You Should Have Said.

Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.  Please hop along and read all of the blog posts in this weeks hop. Just click the links below. If you want real and raw emotion, then you will find it here. After you read each post, please comment and share. We want to get to know you too!

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Confessions of a Clothing Hoarder Part 1

I read a post tonight and it got me motivated. Not enough to start it this minute as it will probably take days or even weeks to get done, but I do need to get started somewhere. See I have to schedule everything around my health, mainly my Fibromyalgia which can mess the best intentions up.

I can literally make 100 or more outfits without any of the items being reused other then the bottoms. That isn't counting the clothes that don't fit me. To be honest I still have clothes from when I was in High School, and even though my oldest child is now 25. Some of the clothes are as old as he is. No joke.

So after reading this blog post from another blogger I really need to get on the ball and go through my clothes. I won't even go there with my children's clothes, or heaven forbid my husband's clothes. We need a complete makeover for all of our closets.

One look at my bathroom/laundry room and the wall of  clean clothes piled up in baskets that almost reach the ceiling that I haven't folded, that the kids have to look through to get clothes because I don't have the energy to actually fold and put it all away before they go tearing through it all for their favorite shirt.

As for my husband's and my clothes, well they are overflowing out of the closet, stacked on the dressers, as well as over filling the dressers. I will attach a picture of the before below and then do several other blogs later showing just the work on our clothes alone and if I still have the motivation I will do the girls clothes of course with their help, to at least make it a little easier on myself.

I do know how all of the started with clothes at least for me. I grew up only having a few outfits because my family just could not afford clothes. So as a teenager I had a small income from babysitting neighbors children so I would hit the clearance racks as well as a place called the Purple Barn that sells used clothes near us while growing up to fill in and take over where our family couldn't afford. This started when I was about 12 years old.

We tell our children all of the time how blessed they are to have so many clothes to choose from. When my husband moved from his mother's to our home before we go married he literally moved in with one milk crate, yes the kind that holds 4 gallons of milk. That is all he had for clothes besides what was on his back. So he too when we had our own place got on the clothes wagon because even though he had clothes he never really had much.

So between him and I and then our 6 children we kept getting clothes. Yes I reused clothing from one child to the next but it didn't stop us from hitting great clearance sales and buying more when what we really already had was quite enough. So everything snowballed into what we have now.

I have to come clean in another area of our life too, half of our basement is filled with rubbermaid totes of clothes that are either too small or clothes for my daughters to grow into from their older sisters. I have saved the smaller clothes for my two granddaughters and even the baby clothes for future grandchildren. I will post pictures of this when we get to this. 

We are not quite hoarders just the kind of people who want to be prepared and overly in some cases. I have let go of all of our clothes for our boys unless there are a few we missed down in the basement because both of them have moved out and are on their own. Girls seem to run more heavily with our family and dresses never really go out of style so we hung onto all of those. I even saved shoes of different sizes each size in their own tote.

As you can read, we really need to thin out our basement, dressers, closets, and life. We aren't getting any younger, my health isn't getting better, and our clothes are starting to swallow us up. So join me in the days and weeks ahead on the journey to clean out our closets and take back part of our lives.

I want to be clear that before I worked outside of the home or came down with Fibromyalgia you would never find clothes around the house like this. This is one reason I have decided to get the family on the band wagon to cut back on what we have. 

Happy New Year

Goals for 2016, I never really sat down and did goals for 2015 other than personal goals and I pretty much did them all except for losing weight and even though I read the Bible more I didn't read it nearly as much as I should.

2015 has been one hell of year for us. Even though things were rough we did have good things happen to us such as my husband graduating from college, my third child graduating from college. My mother in law pulling through her operation and finally moving away from their bothersome neighbors.

We have kept a roof over our heads and our children haven't gone to bed hungry. We have each other and our children know we love them unconditionally. They also know we are always here for them and they always have a place in our home.

My blog has more than doubled, no big money but it is still a work in progress, the money has always been a secondary to me just blogging about our family and reviews, so if it comes it would be wonderful, if not then that is fine too.

We were given bad news the other day but hope that 2016 will have something good in store for our family other than the stress we have had for the last 6 months. We always try to see the bright side and for me that has been hard for the first time in my life these last 6 months and even more so with the news we were recently given.

I am the optimistic to my husband pessimistic which evens our marriage our quite well. Now I need him to be the optimistic one until I regain my own optimism.

So I guess what I am looking for in the next year is for us to be able to get back on our feet and that my husband's disability claim goes through so we can pay our bills. I will continue to pray for our children, friends, family, and the world.

Our family wishes peace, love, and good tidings to everyone for 2016. 

Happy New Year!

You can read about our New Years recap of 2014 here here and My Goals for 2015 here.

Meet and Greet with Amanda Ripsam from Mommies Quiet Place

Amanda Ripsam who writes at

I met Amanda on Gather.com through a mutual friend Tina McCarty Dalasinski. When Gather 

changed for the worse most of the writers went their own ways but kept tabs on each other and 

continued in their friendship on other Social media sites. Over the years during and since Gather we 

have been there for each other through ups and downs supporting each other along the way.

Some of my online friendships are the best I have had since my best friend died in 2008.

My internet family is very much apart of my life. So let's get onto learning more about

Amanda Ripsam and Mommies Quiet Place.

Tell me about yourself? 

My name is Amanda. I am a lifestyle health blogger. I was born and raised in Toronto Ontario Canada and I live in Otsego Michigan. I am married to a computer nerdy techy husband who likes to help others with their computer troubles and he is a area sales rep for hp and a parent mentor and vp on the board for a non profit called parent to parent that helps family’s of children with special needs. I am a stay at home mom we have four kids in total. We have our daughter Bella who has a rare genetic disorder and I blog about our journey with her mostly to help me keep track of all we do. I also am a step mom My step kids are girl 18, Boy 16 and boy 21. http://mommiesquietplace.com is where I blog about life it’s my quiet place on the internet that has grown into a advocacy and self help lifestyle health blog 

What brought you to blogging?

I blog about my hard story of abuse I endured as a child and I share life's up and downs as I recovered and found happiness out of hopelessness. I also share about living life as an adult who has a a rare genetic disorder called 22q11.2 deletion syndrome. My daughter also has 22q11.2 deletion syndrome Two years ago I was dealing with testing regarding a stomach pain I have been having that would send me to the ER and one point it flared up so bad my husband rushed me to the er and I had test and xrays done. I had started a journey to a healthier me. I had a lot of test and doctors discovered I had gastroparesis which is a slow empty basically my digestion track has shut down and it goes slow. Food will sit in my stomach for days sometimes before it fully digest. while enduring the process I was struggling to get out of bed I managed to care for Bella but my energy was spent and I ended up with way to much time needing to be bed rested for a year almost. I slowly started blogging to cope with the process to take my mind off things and that's how mommiesquietplace started. I also blog about our rare genetic disorder and I enjoy doing product reviews I know the two are so opposite but I do only family friendly product reviews and it has been a fun journey.  

Tell me more about your disorder. 

As mentioned above the stomach issues just dealing and healing with healthy soups and smoothies and mushy food my diet and lifestyle had to change. I am not sure if it is part of the disorder but it's just something that I have to manage because 22q11.2 deletion syndrome is a rare genetic disorder there isn't a cure so all I can do is treat the symptoms. The symptoms very from one person to the next. No two people with it are effected the same way. They have similar issues to look out for such as hypocalciuma like Bella and I have a history of but it has been stable for years. It's a low calcium level and it drops so low we can have seizures turn blue or tremmers. That's the common symptom usually in infants and younger children under the age of 5. Then there are heart issues to look out for we lucked out and our hearts are perfectly healthy. I have the first stages of ceteracts so eye issues are common as well. Then there are ear infections that occur often. As you can imagine there are multiple health issues that come along with the disorder and I can count on both my hands and feet how many specialist Bella sees. When she was younger we had a lot of doctors appointments to keep up with now she's older we still have doctors visits but they are farther apart. For example when Bella was born we had to do calcium draws daily, then weekly then monthly, now it's yearly. It's about the same thing with all of the other specialist and doctors we visit.

What gets you through the day? 

what get's me through the day with it all is coffee and my husband's support we make a great team.

What are you struggling through right now? 

I struggle with being homesick around the holidays since I was born in Toronto Ontario Canada.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In 5 years I would hope I would start working by then Bella will be 13 years old. I probably will still be living in our two bedroom apartment but my hope is I will have it decorated and a lot more functional by then. I still have boxes to unpack after being here for 3 years. I would hope to start public speaking and have a book published that's my goals for now.  

What are your strengths? 

I am determined, resourceful and compassionate

Who is your favorite author?

I really enjoy Jodi Picoult
 
What is your favorite snack food? 

Tim hortons tim bits and poutine you gotta try it. It's a Canadian thing.

What is your favorite Holiday and Why?  


One part of living in the Usa is my family love's having two thanksgivings. Canadian Thanksgiving and American Thanksgiving two holidays that my family loves and always expects me to cook the turkey. A close second is Christmas.




You can check out my answers to the Questions Amanda Ripsam asked me on Meet and Greet with Pamela Marks.

Tell me a little about yourself and your blog?

What was your inspiration when you started blogging?

What’s hiding in your purse? 

Who is your favorite author ?  

What your favorite top 5 songs on your playlist ? 

How long have you been blogging ? 

How did you develop your following on social media ?

What is your favorite thing to do with your family ? 

If you can have one wish what would it be ? 

I noticed you do a lot of product reviews how did you start that process? 

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