On Paying Bills

 

Although all of our bills are now digital and we haven't missed a payment for many years, I still find myself freezing at bill payment time, wondering, "Will we have enough?"

Having experienced times when we struggled to cover our basic bills, transitioning to a situation where we had extra money to spend without worrying about prices, and then returning to a strict budget always puts me on edge. Do we have enough to pay our major bills each month? Yes, we prioritize those first, and whatever is left over is divided among our credit payments, leaving only a few dollars remaining.

In the past, we played a game of writing checks, hoping we had enough funds to cover everything while overdraft fees piled up faster than we could manage. I am thankful that we can live on a small budget, but there’s little to no money left over for emergencies. When we went to college, credit companies literally bombarded us with credit card offers, and we received no guidance on how to repay them or keep our balances low enough to maintain a good credit score. We quickly found ourselves in over our heads. Over the years, we paid off our credit debt and began using cash for everything; if we didn’t have the cash, we simply didn’t buy it, including cars. When my husband fell at work, he underwent many years of physical therapy before finally being declared disabled. Unfortunately, during that time, we depleted all our savings and ended up homeless. We tried to secure rentals, but every landlord wanted a credit score, and ours hadn’t improved in years, which made us seem too risky. Eventually, we found a landlord willing to take a chance on us, and it turned out well. I had already begun working on improving my credit score to prevent another similar situation when we needed to find a new place to live. However, when our landlord put our current rental property up for sale, I checked my husband’s credit score and found it had still not changed. He then started to work on improving his credit as well. Our scores are now improving, but there is no room for error.

Every time it's time to pay our bills, I feel a wave of anxiety and nausea. Our monthly income is consistent, but it only covers our essential needs. When emergencies arise, we often have to rely on credit to get through. Like many others, we are struggling to make ends meet with rising prices. We are resourceful with what we receive and manage to pay our bills, but I still worry that something might arise and turn everything upside down again.

Our new landlord (yes, the rental sold) has been very patient with us and our upstairs neighbors, who were also previously homeless. There are no rental options available within our income range in the area, so she has been working on improving the exterior of the house and has signed a new lease for both of us. She hopes that by the end of the school year next year, we will have all found a new place to live.

Are our bills paid for this month? Yes. Every time I get done paying the bills, I take a relaxing breath and tell my husband, 'The bills are paid!' I thank god every morning and every night for what we have. I know we aren't in the worst circumstances, and we aren't in the best, but we are thankful to be alive, have food, shelter, clothes, and can enjoy a few things each day that bring joy to our lives.