Homeless in Marksville Day 5

Homeless in Marksville Day 5 July 10 2016

I talked to the owner and as long as they confirm the bill will be in my name and not be billed to the motel we are cleared for getting internet which I am so excited about as well as my children and the children of the lady who helped us out when we got here.

I have found that for the most part everyone looks out for each other with some squabbles but when it comes to the kids everyone takes care of each other which I am glad to see.

From what I understand every room here except for one has a homeless family or person in it. That is really sad if you ask me and confirmation that the economy is not better at all. The rooms are still being renovated so I still have faith we can get more comfortable beds as well as chairs for our room.

The internet will just make it easier for me to keep the girls busy between the shows they like to watch and the websites they can go to play games as they are not supposed to be outside at all to play.

Children need to play so I will be bringing this up to my case worker to see if there is a more kid friendly place to stay. Most of the families here have kids and they want to play not be cooped up inside a room for months or in some cases years at a time.

The kids have been communicating with each other through walkie talkies through out the motel, if and when our internet is on I will be ordering a set for my girls so they can converse with the friends they made here as well.

My back is feeling better not a 100% but getting better none the less. I am hoping in a few days I can at least stand and walk straight which will help alot. I feel like the hunchback of notre dame.

I started a book yesterday, finished it this morning, read another whole book, now I am on my third book here. I am running out of kindle books that are downloaded on my iPad so I hope to be near or get internet soon.

I am off for the night to read, get the kids ready for bed, and maybe catch something on TV. Last night we watched Grown Ups 2 well at least I did the girls were having a tickle fest while talking on the phone with their friends.

Remember always pay it forward you have no idea how much it can make a difference.

Homeless in Marksville Day 4

Homeless in Marksville Day 4 July 9th 2016

Today I was able to sleep in. I had hoped my back would feel better but it is still overcast and raining on and off so I will give my back a few more days to feel better since the forecast calls for two more days of rain, before making a Dr.'s appointment.

My daughter, her girlfriend, and her mother came down to check on me and the kids as well as take me to the store so I could pick up some things we needed like toilet paper. What motel doesn't provide toilet paper? The one we are staying at I guess. I also picked up some food for my husband that my daughter's girlfriends mom dropped off for him.

I was able to get everything on our list and some treats as well for the kids. Then we returned home. My daughter will be visiting her dad on Monday on the way back from her concert.

The kids played with Dorothy's new play-doh set while sharing cupcakes with the other homeless kids here. There isn't much to do here other then sit and watch TV or sit outside of your door.

Things aren't perfect but I am glad the kids have made friends. So far I have met three of the families here as well as one of the kids from a family on the other end who enjoyed a treat with the kids the other day. Pretty much the whole motel here is full of homeless families except for one room which they save for cash paying customers.

I will be talking to the owner tomorrow about getting a password for the internet if there is one available, and if not asking if I can get a router put in. I called the cable company that services here and they said if I get permission they will put one in for us. The kids are super excited for this to happen.

You may ask what I have been doing with all of the extra time. Well I have been reading the books I have on my iPad mini from Kindle need to sync soon to get new books while taking ones I have already read off. Again the internet is needed. Other then that I have been trying to get adjusted to this new way of living while trying to keep it fun for the girls.

That is about it for day 4, going to take a shower and read some more before turning in for the night.

Homeless in Marksville Day 3

Homeless in Marksville Day 3 July 8th 2016

Today was a bit better with the toaster oven to help out as well as the towels, and other items we had bought making things a bit easier on us. It has been a quite day not much of the kids playing other then sitting outside the door and talking.

We found out today they don't provide toilet paper and you are supposed to clean the floors and fixtures yourself which seems a bit strange so we had to borrow a broom from one of the other families here to clean up a bit. We wash our dishes in a tiny bathroom sink.

My husband wants us to get a hot plate but I can not see how I would be able to clean a pan in the sink as it would be bigger then the sink. We are on day three and no one has asked us if we need clean sheets or blankets.

They aren't dirty yet and we are thankful no cockroaches or bedbugs but we have heard rumors that two doors down they do have bed bugs but none here so we are feeling blessed in that alone.

The hotel has been renovated to a point as in new bathroom, air conditioner/heater, but the beds are old as well as the table with no chairs, desk, and nightstand. I am thinking they will add things on as they make it more presentable.

It is getting to be around 9 here so the girls will be coming in to take their showers etc and maybe watch something on TV. We have been watching the food network, in the mornings Dorothy watches the Disney channel and if I have the TV on we are watching old shows like the Andy Griffith Show.

All we have with us is a flashdrive with Big Bang Theory on it as well as the full run of Gidget which I am saving for a boring day for the girls to start watching. Missing Netflix and Amazon something fierce.

I am going to try and ask the owner tomorrow if they are going to be getting wifi or if he has a line I can hook up to a couple of hours a day to get my posts up  and stay in touch with family and friends. I noticed there  are two wifi with two wifi guest signals here but I don't know the password so wish me luck in finding a way on so I can stay in touch with everyone.

Homeless in Marksville Day 2

Homeless in Marksville Day 2 July 7th 2016

Day 2 started with the lady who helped us out the night before sending over cereal and milk for the girls. Once the girls were done with breakfast they returned the cereal and milk to the lady and played with her girls pretty much all day.

I layed down after my back medication which isn't even touching the pain. It usually puts me to sleep with in 15 minutes but it isn't even doing that. Dorothy laid down beside me and fell asleep as well.

Then there was a knock on the door someone came from DSS to take us shopping. What a Godsend. My husband must have been on the phone all morning making phone calls and getting things set in motion for us.

We went to Walmart and were able to get food to last us until we get to go out again as well as some microwavable products to be able to cook our meals on. While there we ran into my son who works 7 days a week and let him know where we were.

We returned to the motel to find out yet another person my husband had contacted had brought by a pay as you go cell phone, a toaster oven, can opener which we didn't buy, as well as some extra water, food, and fresh fruit for the girls.

While we were out we bought ice cream for the girls to share with the kids here as there is no where to keep ice cream here so I thought everyone would like a treat as well as cupcakes. The kids played hard.

I was able to get the pay as you go phone up and going all on my own, something that is usually left to my husband to do but I thought I should learn how to do it myself. I called my husband who was glad to hear my voice and to know people had come by to take us shopping.

I found out where they have him he had fallen on the broken tile in his bathroom and had to call 911. He spent 7 hours in the hospital and then they released him with some pain medication and muscle relaxers. One the kids were done playing we all turned for the night.

My husband had certainly been busy and those who could came through to give us some help. Still missing the internet but hope to get these posts posted when I can get near wifi.

Homeless in Marksville Day 1

Homeless in Marksville Day 1 July 6th 2016
Here we are on the 6th of July finally homeless. Being homeless isn't easy but we are still blessed to have a roof over our heads while many others are on the streets with no place to go.

The day started with us getting up early in the morning to pack the rest of our belonging we could fit into storage and then waiting for someone to pick us up to go the homeless unit. By the time we got a ride we were just getting there before they closed, so I am hoping this motel is just temporary.


Alas I am stuck in a motel where you can't drink the water, they don't provide towels, they have a tiny fridge that will not hold a weeks worth of food which they tell you to buy until they can take you out the following week to shop again. There is as small microwave which I don't even think is big enough to fit a coffee cup into, and a 13 inch tv with cable. We have been TV free for over 12 years.

I just want my children to be able to watch their shows on Netflix and Amazon which are totally paid for instead of all this commercial crap they show on TV. I keep thanking God but I had really hoped for a place with wifi so I could keep up to date with my blogs and reviews.

With all of the packing, moving, etc which would have not happened without the help of some awesome strangers, a very little help from family, my back is so sore I can hardly move without another spasm starting in. I couldn't take the medicine for my back before we were settled because I needed to be awake not in a sleep coma which this medicine does to me.

Once we were at the motel a nice lady and her two girls helped us get settled gave us bottled water, a towel and washcloth to use, as well as ramen noodles and microwave bowls to borrow. Later that night she ordered pizza. She is a real blessing along with her two children who quickly became friends with my daughters.

The lady also let me borrow her phone to call my husband and let him know what was going on.The girls took showers and then we all went to bed.

Suicide Prevention Month

Finally I was able to get some pictures of my daughter to have for this blog. Even though my daughter did not take her life she did hurt herself many times. The scars on her body are proof enough to anyone who may think differently. Her father cut himself, her aunt burned herself, and her older sister even cut a few times, but no where near what this young lady who I am proud to call my daughter has done.

For the most part people who cut themselves do it as a way to get through tough times they are having  in their lives or a way to try and forget the past. Everyone has their own way of working through problems that come their way, some ultimately give up and end up taking their lives, leaving those who loved them behind wondering why didn't they reach out.

I noticed the cuts when I accidentally walked in on my daughter getting ready for her shower. I didn't say anything until after she showered and got dressed. Then we had a heart to heart. I knew one of the reasons she might be cutting, and she told me the rest.

One is from something that happened to her while she was younger and the others were well just plain old regular teen stress combined with some really mean bullies. Mind you my daughter is bigger not only by weight to most of the bullies but also in height, hand, and foot size. She is not small in any way, accept from the inside.

She has always been quick to protect others while letting everything that was bothering her build up inside. She didn't want to bother me who has been sick most of my life and when this cutting was at the height my husband had an accident at work that changed his life and our families lives forever. So she just didn't want to burden us anymore.

I quickly told her it was never a burden to hear her concerns, and there is always time to talk. I am here for her like my mother was there for me. Sure I never cut, burned, or hurt my body in any way, other then punishing myself for things I had done wrong in life. I HAVE wanted to die before, just to end the pain and sickness I have had to endure all of my life. What keeps me going is my children, who gives me breath everyday is God, and my husband fills in everywhere else in my life.

I explained to her there will always be mean people because there is a Devil, and those who follow him are some of the meanest people on earth who people will follow just because it easier to do so then to follow the right ticket for Hell. Sorry to be blunt but it is very clearly stated in the Bible.

What about the people who felt there was no other way then to take their lives? I can just go by what the Bible says but ultimately that is going to be between God and them someday. It is not for me to be judge or jury. Everyone has to answer for what they have done in their lives.

My heart goes out to those who take their lives because the devil just kept on them until they did it. Telling them there was no one to turn to, nobody will listen, nobody can do anything, the list goes on and on.

Anyone who may be reading this and doesn't want to believe there is a God and have thought about hurting yourself, others, or even going as far as trying to take your life. There is someone out there that cares. Keep reaching out, don't give up there are people who love you. Open your eyes and tell the Devil if you believe or the voice inside your head to get away because you have a right to live and be happy.

The world is not a perfect place by any means, people are mean, some do it because someone is mean to them and others do it just because well they have been led to be mean by the own voices in their heads. They think they are better, want to have control, or even just can't control themselves or words. Everyday that God gives us breath is a blessing. Sure we might be in pain, sick, depressed, etc but there is always something to live for, someone in a worse situation.

Life is precious, reach out, you deserved to be loved and happy.

My daughter overcame cutting herself. She opened up, reached out, and began to live life again. Does she think about it sometimes? Yes she does, but she told herself that day she stopped August 5,2014 if she could go a year without cutting herself she would get her first tattoo. What does she do to keep from cutting. Well now she has a permanent symbolic tattoo to remind her each day. She also sings, meditates, and reaches out to those around her.

 She is strong, she is beautiful, she is my daughter, 

she is a survivor. 

Answer to... I never Wanted to Work… I just wanted to be a Mom

Tonight I read a post by another blogger and she asked how other parents felt and I went to reply but it turned into a blog of my own so I am going to answer it here on my own blog. 

You can find Midget Momma's post here. 

As a child I always dreamed of working with people. Some of the things I wanted to do were become a Lawyer, change the world, work in the peace corp, but being sick from birth this was really unrealistic for me. It didn't stop me from pushing myself when I was well though. 

Even though the Dr.'s didn't want me working I took on a few jobs growing up like babysitting, picking strawberries, feeding calves, milking cows, working in a mom and pop store. 

Once I was a mom I returned to work from time to time when we needed money even though the Dr.'s said I shouldn't. Over the last 24 + years of being both a mom and wife I returned to the mom and pop store I had worked in as a teen, then moved onto a grocery store, cleaned houses, ran my own child care, worked with the mentally disabled, worked at a theater, dabbled in merchandising, and finally settled on Blogging which fits right in with my life. 

I have a weak immune system that I have lived with since birth, several blood disorders, bad kidneys, and the final blow that put my life on hold was getting fibromyalgia. My body finally said look enough is enough you have been warned not to work too many times we are shutting it down. So here I am wondering what to do. 

Over the years I have written diaries, online journals, and after several of my readers said I should start a blog, which I really knew nothing about I said sure I'll give it a try. Others said you can review products and keep them for free. Others said some companies will even pay you. 

I am not making enough to pay any one bill, but over the year I am able to put away gifts for Birthdays, Christmas, as well as having gift cards on hand to purchase things for our home. I don't get to pick the stores that I get the gift cards for, but I make do the best I can. 

My husband was hurt at his job several years ago. Recently his workman's comp had ended and they say he will be disabled for the rest of his life. So here we are waiting for his Disability to go through. Just a note, they turn down everyone who is under 50 the first time (at least this is what I have been told). My husband has always been a good worker, a overtime hog, moved up the ladder in any of his jobs quickly, loved by his coworkers, and now that is gone. He has gone through all kinds of emotional moments because of not being able to do things he used to do. It is so sad that one fall can change your life in so many ways. 

Right now we are depending on Public Assistance which we thought we would never have to do again. We were on it a short time when we were still teen parents, never expecting that we would have to depend on it again. I recently had my Disability court date and the third party person told the Judge with my problems there would be no job I could keep for any length of time. That was really depressing. 

You may be asking what about blogging? Well not everyone who blogs can make a rent or mortgage payment much less a car payment per month, so am I going to give up blogging? Not at all. I love to talk and write so blogging is a perfect way for me to stay in touch with others on my own time, around my illnesses, and still be home to take care of my children (although most days they really take care of me). Big parts of me are gone forever and some parts resurface from time to time and then I over do things to get back on track. 

For instance I used to be able to look after 12+ child care children, our own 4 at the time, as well as take care of the house, run errands, and have dinner on the table, as long as I wasn't ill. Now if I get the dishes done once or twice a month it is a miracle. I am currently blogging from time to time for Best Buy which either pays me in product or a gift card. I hope to have enough Gift cards to purchase a portable dish washer as we do not own our home, but this might help me out enough that I can again give my family a nice hot meal on the table more then 2-3 times a month. 

When I have energy I use it all up and end up in pain for many days after. The Dr. keeps telling me I can not do what I used to do that I shouldn't have been doing in the first place, that I have to pace myself. I tell him it is hard to pace myself on a good day because I just want to get as much done as I can so I can feel good about what I have accomplished. 

Sure I have tons of happy pictures from this summer from getaways with our children. What you don't see is me sitting down in one area and letting my children go on the rides around the area I was sitting in, or when we could get a electric scooter me rolling around so they could see more of the parks we went too. We went to the beach and had a great time, but for 3 days  after I was in so much pain that I couldn't do anything other then get out of bed, stay in my pajamas, and wish I could do things around the house. 

Having Fibromyalgia is no fun, being disabled sucks, but I try to keep my head up when I can, along with having faith that this is the path I am supposed to be on while on this Earth. 

Back to the question. "I would love to hear your feelings if you have been in this situation or some tips on how to handle the mommy guilt and feeling like crap about working when being a Mom was what you wanted to do vs working like you are." quoted from Midget Momma

Do I feel guilty about when I worked out of the home? I sure do I missed out on my older children's youth as well as finding out years later things were not always what they seemed when I was putting in all of those overtime hours. Our children kind of raised themselves when we were not home for about 4 and half years, things were not always kosher. I can't change what happened in the past, all I can do is make things different now. I still beat myself up about working outside of the home more often then anyone would know. 

My children have missed out on lots of things because of me being sick so often, but the days I am well I try to make the best of the time we have together and hope someday they will look back like I do on my parents and say how did they do it all? 

Blogging has actually made it possible to do more things with my children then I ever imagined, from free trips, toys, products for the home, as well as opening my children up to how the retail world, commercials, advertising, and yes even us bloggers help products get noticed by others. 

I wanted to be a mother, not someone who worked outside of the home, but when you are raising your children and need money to pay the bills sometimes these things happen. I am lucky, all of my children are alive, sure some really bad things happened to them, but they are alive and well. I can't take back what happened yesterday but I can change tomorrow.

My faith gets me through, as well as lots of meditation, yoga, love for my family, stubbornness (being a taurus does that), a will to survive, and prayer. I have a zeal for life, smile everyday and love to learn new things. 

I have always said if you do not enjoy your job, then don't do it and move on. If it doesn't make you happy then it isn't right for you. For my friend blogger out there, take time for your children everyday. Even if that means bringing them into the blog to review items, spend time reading that book you have to review for children. Let them tell you how they liked it and write it from their perspective. Work early in the morning or late in the evening, but make sure you take time for yourself as well. 

I love to talk and write but I also love to read, which I try ti fit in everyday, and I don't mean reading to the kids before bed which we call snuggles and stories. One of my favorite things in the world to do is to take a bath and read. With Fibromyalgia I can not get into the bathtube and out again so on those good days when I can I relish the time I have to lay back and take a bath while reading.

From one mom to another life is hard and you have to do the best with what you were given. Some people have more, some people have less I am somewhere in between and I am fine with that. Hugs to all of the moms out there, take one day at a time, cherish the time you have now, tomorrow is not promised.