Someone thought it would be a nice joke to tell me my daughter was dead on the internet, which led us to have the police called to check on her, "but it wasn’t meant to hurt me". I just don’t understand people. I surely didn’t need the added stress. I go in for my port placement operation this morning. Anyways all the kids are alive but my heart went through quite the ordeal last night. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and texted us.
Today we had an education day about my Chemotherapy. It went well, we toured the chemotherapy room, and got acquainted with the nurses. I also met with billing and everything is a go from my insurance, at least for now. I also got the date for the operation to get my port put in which is December 30th.
Before we even left this morning I had a surprise. My daughter Nesie picked up my daughter Samantha and Lilly so they would be here for Christmas. Hugging Samantha is what I needed to get my day started and then I saw her face. Her teeth are in really bad shape. She 27 and there is nothing left to them. How does that even happen? I know her life choices and the fact that she battles with anorexia and bulimia is a big part of it but it was still a shock. I told her she needs to find a surgeon and get all of her teeth pulled and get dentures. To see my baby in pain because of her teeth is heart-wrenching.
Then we had Nesie she is a mess. She had a breakup and my granddaughter and she both have to be out of the house by December 31st with nowhere to go, and with me being sick. Nesie has had a lot on her plate. Nesie has a lot of decisions to make in a short time and it is putting a toll on her boy and mind. I can suggest things and listen to her but I can't make her decisions for her. Lets just say she isn't having it easy right now.
Being a mother seeing your children in pain or turmoil is hard to see when you aren't able to fix it for them. Like I said on my Facebook. " I liked it better when they were all really little and we had all the answers for them. A kiss, a hug, or time just with them is all they needed to make things better." It's hard, please remember people who look fine may be going through rough times or have to make a tough decision, be kind.
We had lots of tears on the way up and on the way back from the Clinic. Big note make sure you have tissues on hand in the car for these very moments. We did finish the night off by ordering Chinese for Dinner. Everyone ate together talking and I think the night ended well for everyone before the girls were off till Christmas Day.
We went to education day, toured the chemotherapy room, and got acquainted with the nurses. Met with billing, which went well. We also got the date for my operation for port placement, which is bright and early on the 30th. I’m lucky I get to have a nice infusion before they start to keep any bleeds under control.
Today was a rough day emotionally but not because of my illness. It’s hard as a parent seeing your adult children going through stuff that you can’t fix for them. I liked it better when they were all really little and we had all the answers for them. A kiss, a hug, or time just with them is all they needed.
Keep those prayers coming and remember people may seem fine but they are really dealing with some hard decisions, be kind.
So I know it has been some time since I have written, but life just flies right by in the blink of an eye. These days even more so. Our family is looking forward to the Holidays. This year my husband and I bought presents for each other which doesn't happen very often. We have been married 31 years and maybe only a handful of times have we bought gifts for each other. It has always been about the kids and family. This year has thrown us a curveball and we took a stand just buying for our children, grandchildren, pets, and for each other.
I did however not let my husband buy anything for me until I made it through my operation. I made it and he started ordering right away. There is one present, the big one he said but the last time he updated me it was still on the other side of the planet. Time will tell if it makes it here on time. His however have all made it and are wrapped and ready. He is super excited to guess what his presents are and he is dead on good doing it. This year I don't think he will guess. He guessed his large presents were toolboxes. Sorry honey but you're dead wrong. I know he will guess some of the smaller gifts by feel but the larger ones no way not in a million years.
I will update everyone more about my health but wanted to try and write a little something each day so that there is a kind of diary for others who may be going through what I am going through or if I pass for my family to look back on. I love them so. I have a great medical team, a supportive family, supportive friends, and many new friends to make along my journey. When I am feeling alone and at my lowest, I feel God's presence and he comforts me. He often sends my husband to me, puts a song into my head, someone calls, or messages me. Jesus is awesome and never leaves my side. Thank you to all those who pray for me, message me, or call me. You are all wonderful. Hugs.
I wanted to update everyone. I had my oncologist appointment last Thursday. My daughter and I will be attending education day this week. Between then and January 6th I will have a small surgery where they put in a port for my medications as well as a pre-treatment day.
I am stage 3A pT1 N1A colon cancer. I will be getting chemotherapy every other week for 6 months. On Thursdays starting January 6th one treatment will be done at the clinic and the second will be done at home for the next two days via a pump. The pump gets disconnected on a Saturday.
My Oncologist and Hematologist will be working hand in hand to monitor me the whole way. I have several health issues that may make this a bit tedious. I am already anemic so they know they will probably have to stop and restart treatment to let my body heal.
I already have a bleeding disorder and these treatments will make spontaneous bleeding happen more often. I will be having many blood tests and checkups along the way. They aren't sure how long my body will take the treatments before they may need to stop them so that is a toss-up.
The side effects are not pleasant, but we are trying to get the things we need in our home before we need them to make it easier on my husband who likes to be prepared, he doesn't like surprises. When I left the hospital I weighed a lot more than when I went in. I lost all of that which was about 25 lbs, as well as 30 lbs of my before-operation weight. I'm a big girl so the loss of weight isn't a worry for me like it would be for someone who is thin.
We will keep you updated as often as we can. Thank you all for the support and keep those prayers coming.
Trying to upload but video from Facebook I am having a problem getting so seeing if my daughter still has a copy of it. If you would like to see it you can find it here.
My Surgeon called bright and early this morning as in he woke me up. He informed me that they got the whole Tumor but did find cancer in my lymph nodes. I have stage 3 colon cancer and the next step is to see my oncologist and start chemotherapy. Keep those prayers coming.
I am sorry I left you all hanging for so long. On Friday they just hit us with they were sending me home, no time to think about anything else. Dennis thought it was too soon and I wasn't feeling strong enough.
I brought my biggest most comfortable clothes and because of the fluid retention, none of it fit. I felt like I was stuffed into my clothes and they were barely hanging on. I couldn't fit my shoes or slippers so had to leave the hospital with hospital socks on. The ride home was a little painful with the bumps but we made it.
Once home I had to walk through the wet freezing snow to get into the house it was horrible but once in everyone helped dry off my feet peel the clothes from my body and get me into my nightgown before helping me into my brand new bed for the first time. (Someone in our life made it possible for me to have this bed and it has been a godsend, to say the least).
The first few days were rough, there were more messes than actually making it to the bathroom. Our floors have never been cleaner. What made it so hard is that none of the equipment that is supposed to be here is here yet. My husband is taking really good care of me and the girls are helping also. Nesie and my son have made sure we have everything we need and check up on me often.
This week our days have been filled with medical personal OT, PT, nurse visits, home health aid, and dietician. I am literally wiped out, I am still getting as much rest as I can. My appetite is getting better but most times I just eat what I can. Most of my pain is on the side they didn't operate on, I guess I pulled a ligament or muscle when they were getting me in bed at the hospital.
I have pain in my abdomen as well but it isn't as bad as they said it would be. I am just mainly tired all of the time. I have my follow-up visit with the Surgeon early next week so will update again then. Thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, comments, messages, and phone calls. They all mean so much. Hugs and keep those prayers coming.